friday please suck it

I don't want to get all negative Nancy on you guys but I seriously lost my shit tonight. I've had bad days, good days, and a lot of in between but today I just lost it, full on hysterical crying meltdown. I'm better now thanks to a mind numbing episode of Rachel Zoe, a nice text message from Tamar, and two large glasses of wine but man oh man was it a long night. This week has been weird and I'm not really sure why. After swim on thursday I was just bored and not like the normal I'm bored what to do but like the bored that you don't want to do anything. I mean we all get there but usually I can pull myself out and do something but I just couldn't . Today was kinda the same way. In the morning we ran some errands and then after Olive's nap we went to the park for a bit. The day just dragged on after that. I know this happens and it's normal and whatever but it's really hard. Obviously I know I'm the only one that can get myself out of the funk but it doesn't make it any easier.

 The real pisser was this evening. I've mentioned how hard making dinner has been and the meltdowns and tantrums that Olive goes through are just unreal. Tonight just really got to me and hard. I started making dinner at 5 which is pretty normal assuming we'll eat at 6ish and I am not kidding when I say she screamed the entire hour. If she had just played with her toys I could of been done with dinner in 15 min, maybe 20 but as soon as I started cooking she was pissed. It's not like she is trapped in the kitchen either, she can go to the playroom, living room, or eating room to play. She has a million options and she can absolutely entertain herself for 20 min. She does it during the day without a problem but it's like as soon as I need to do something she loses it. Had I been doing something that could wait, cleaning, laundry, etc I would always go to her but I was making her meal too so it had to be done. I did take a break from her crying to nurse her and that helped for a few minutes then she was back to crying as soon as I put her down. At this point I was just in tears and so frustrated. She was literally pulling my pants down and grabbing onto my leg. I had to shut the door cause I seriously thought the neighbors were going to call the police on me cause she was screaming like I was abusing her. I would try and pick her up between screams and sing and dance but its kinda hard to chop veggies and cook over a stove while holding a child, not to mention dangerous. It wasn't a big deal but this has been happening a lot lately and I think it just got to me tonight. Friday is always hard as it's the end of the week and I'm pretty burnt out. Cooking dinner has always been that one thing I have that I get to do and I love but even that I can't do anymore. Then once I started crying it was like EVERYTHING in the world was wrong and kept piling up. I started getting upset about everything stupid in my life and just lost it. Obviously crying over not making dinner would be silly or is it? I don't even know anymore. I haven't been to kickboxing in forever cause by the end of the night there is no way I can muster up enough strength to go. Then when I get all frustrated and sad I get that feeling of loneliness like I can't even go meet up with a friend after Olive is asleep or just sit and vent to someone. I can't even remember the last time I had a good talk to one of my friends. I'm the worst phone talker and when I do talk to my friends I like to catch up with life and happy stuff and not so much the stuff that is a bummer. It was so much easier to meet up with my friends and talk about life over lunch, get advice, etc. I feel like I don't do that with anyone anymore and I miss that and honestly I think its making me insane to not have anyone to talk to. I see my friends so it's not like I'm really alone but no one is down the street or right there and it's killing me. I feel sad inside, mostly lonely. It still feels like this isn't really my life. I'm not blaming Olive for any of this, this is all me and my issues and I just need to figure it all out. I'm learning there are phases in parenting and babies and this one is just a very difficult one and I'm trying to figure out how to handle everything. Otherwise during the day we have a ton of fun and she is super happy BUT she has started to get very defiant and has absolutely starting testing me but I know its all part of her new toddler phase and I need to learn how to handle it, embrace it or do whatever makes it easy to get by. I'll get over my little emo phase and things will be normal but it's been months since I had a good meltdown session so let's hope it helped.

I guess sometimes a good cry makes everything better, that and a few large glasses of wine.

lazy day

I sorta love thursday mornings when Olive is taking her nap. Since we go to swim as soon as she wakes up I don't take a shower or get dressed, I just throw on my bathing suits and comfy clothes and actually get stuff done while she naps. Usually her first nap is spent taking a shower and getting dressed and maybe a little computer time depending on her nap. I don't like to leave the house all gross feeling and it's rare that we actually stay home so that is just how I've made it work. I'm pretty quick at throwing on makeup and clothes and in a pinch I can do it with her at my feet but the mess that usually follows its just too much. The child can destroy a room in 5 min flat, looking like it's been robbed and destroyed. Blows my mind.
Anyways yesterday I had one of those days where I was feeling super lazy! We had a wonderful morning with our friends Jessica and Amelie where we went to storytime at the library and then we met up with Blake and Ross for lunch. But as soon as I got home I didn't want to do anything which always makes me guilty cause Olive is so busy but I seriously couldn't even bring myself to go for a walk so we layed on the floor and watched Ellen and went outside and had snacks and played in puddles. It was nice but even that was hard to do. Ever have those days where you just want to lay there and stare at the ceiling and do NOTHING?? The weather has been getting cooler which is awesome and it's making me itch for a Mammoth trip. I am totally ready for some sweaters and boots!


A few photos from the iphone.

Butternut Squash x2

It looks messy but it's really yummy.

I always forget to post food things. I know some people think it's boring but I actually love reading about real people and the meals they make. I read plenty of food blogs with beautiful dinners where people have hours to prep in the kitchen but the reality is I have about 30 min to make a meal and half of that time is dragging Olive around on my leg (yep her new thing is melting down and holding on to my leg) For the few minutes that she happily destroys ever cupboard I quickly throw something together. This week I had a massive butternut squash just waiting to be used. I never cook with butternut squash so I had no idea what to do. I knew I didn't want to make a soup as every recipe seemed to suggest so I did a little research and came up with this. Fregula with Braised Butternut squash. It was so delicious and Olive loved it too. I ended up adding a little bit of tofu at the end since Olive is a big fan. I've been really excited to have her eat real meals with us so I try and make sure anything we cook she can eat or at least it can be deconstructed so she can eat it.

I didn't add the red pepper, I used cous cous, and a vegan broth. 

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/anne-burrell/fregula-with-braised-butternut-squash-and-tomatoes-recipe/index.html

Ingredients

• Extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 medium onion, cut into 1/2-inch dice
• Kosher salt
• Pinch crushed red pepper
• 2 cloves garlic, smashed and chopped
• 1 (28-ounce) can whole plum tomatoes, passed through a food mill
• 2 cups peeled and diced 1/4-inch pieces butternut squash
• 1 to 2 cups chicken or vegetable stock
• Bay leaf
• 1 1/2 cups medium fregula* or Israeli couscous
• 1 bunch chives, finely chopped

Directions

Coat a large saucepan generously with extra virgin olive oil. Add the onions and bring to a medium high heat. Season generously with salt and add the crushed red pepper. Saute until the onions are translucent and very aromatic, about 7 to 8 minutes. Add the garlic and saute for another minute. Add the tomatoes. Fill the tomato can with water and add to the pan. Season with salt and cook over medium heat for about 10 to 15 minutes or until the water has reduced. Add the squash, stock, and bay leaf. Taste for seasoning and season with salt if needed. Cook until the squash is cooked through and most of the liquid has absorbed, about 20 to 30 minutes.

Bring a pan of well-salted water to a boil. Add the fregula and cook until it is cooked through but still al dente, about 8 to 10 minutes. Strain and add to the pot with tomatoes and squash. Stir to incorporate. Add more stock or water if the mixture is dry and cook longer if it is too soupy. When done it should have a stew-like consistency. Stir in the chives. This will be really good today but even better tomorrow! 

Since I had half the squash left I decided to make enchiladas inspired by this blog.

I REFUSE to eat whole wheat tortillas. Shit is gross.

http://www.dailygarnish.com/2011/08/roasted-butternut-squash-black-bean-enchiladas-with-homemade-sauce.html 

Roasting the butternut squash brings out a wonderful caramelized flavor, that when combined with onions, beans, and spices – make this dish a delicious addition to your dinner menu.

Ingredients (6-8 enchiladas)

• 1 large butternut squash
• 2 small onions (or 1 medium onion)
• 1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1/2 tsp nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp cumin
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon
• salt to taste
• 6-8 whole wheat tortillas
• 1 batch homemade enchilada sauce

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Then carefully peel, de-seed, and cube the butternut squash.
2. Toss squash with a bit of oil and salt, and spread evenly on a sheet pan. Roast for 45 minutes or until soft, stirring once during cooking.
3. While squash is cooking, this might be a good time to make your sauce! The squash should be slightly browned and very soft when finished.
4. Transfer cubes to a large mixing bowl and mash with a potato masher or a fork.
5. Set squash aside to cool. Dice onions and sauté until brown and soft. Add beans and cook for a minute or two until warmed.
6. Transfer beans and onions to the squash bowl, and then season with spices and salt. Spread 1 cup of the enchilada sauce on the bottom of a 9×13 glass baking dish. Scoop squash filling evenly onto tortillas and then loosely roll…
7. Place filled tortillas seam side down in the baking dish.
8. Top tortillas with the remainder of the enchilada sauce. Make sure to use a spatula to get the sauce all around the sides of the pan and in between each tortilla!
9. Bake uncovered for 30 minutes at 350 degrees. If you prefer, you can also top with cheese before baking, but we opted to eat ours naked.
10. Serve with a side of your favorite salsa for dipping.

 I followed most of the recipe but used a bottle of sauce from Sprouts since I had it in the house but she posted a sauce recipe that actually sounds quite easy and delicious. I also added a little jalapeno cheese and chives on top before I cooked them. They were seriously so delicious and super easy. Olive got the butternut squash, onions, black beans, cheese, and a little tortilla but no sauce. Oh and I added a little avocado on the side.

Yay for cooking with butternut squash. I got 2 meals and plenty of leftovers from one squash which makes me very happy. I'm definitely on the lookout for more recipes for butternut squash so let me know if you have any........

If you don't mind, please click.

Pumpkins and Octoberfest

We had a pretty busy Sunday but it was filled with all fun things so no complaints here. We started the morning off at the pumpkin patch. Olive checked out the pumpkins but was way more interested in the hay and other random stuff around. I'm pretty sure the petting zoo was her most favorite thing in the world. I actually don't think I've ever seen her so excited. She went up to every single animal and pet them. It was funny to watch the other little kids hiding at their parents legs and Olive just running up to everything with no fear. After she touched every animal over and over we choose a pumpkin and headed home for some lunch and a nap. After her nap we went to an Octoberfest in Huntington Beach. It was family day so they have weiner dog races and a live band and of course plenty of beer! Olive danced to the oompa band, pet a million weiner dogs, ate pretzels and sauerkraut (not a fan), and ran around exploring every inch of the place. A bunch of our friends came out so it was a super good time and the weather was unreal. I think I drank too many beers but I had such a good time. I was in bed by 8:30, just so exhausted from the day.

Adam, Dave, and Nick sitting behind being creepy or actually the whole thing was creepy. This lady was at least 80.