*I wrote this the other day but never posted it. I don't know why, maybe I felt bad or there was no point but here it is.
Today has left me with a bit of mom guilt. I was kinda an asshole to Olive. I'm not perfect but for the most part I can keep my shit together. Today I could not. Patience isn't something that comes easy to me but since becoming a mom I've been able to find that super patient point with Olive. It didn't happen overnight but I feel like once she got out of the baby stage I was able to really just zone in and be this super patient person and really keep it together. I'm not like that with all aspects of my life but this is something I've been proud of. I know I'm a good mom but today I just feel shitty. Today was not one of those patient days. I yelled, I cursed I threw shoes (not at her obviously). My sick is kinda gross today and I just feel stuffy and annoyed, my body is killing me and I feel like I have't stopped sweating. I can't blame Olive that she wants to play all day but I am tired and I needs breaks and she isn't totally understanding of that. On normal days I will play all day and not tire out. At this point in pregnancy I'm done. I seriously forced her to play with the ipad today for an hour while I just laid there. Not a proud parenting moment but I had to. Luckily she took a nap and I was able to do the same. She woke up just as I was having a full nervous breakdown. I don't even know why or what triggered it but I just started crying and I just felt like shit. Some days I just feel sad because I need help. I get sad my mom doesn't live closer and can't be here. It's not fair because everyone here has their parents like 10 min away. It's not her fault obviously but I get sad. I will never move to where my parents are so this is something I have chosen living here. It sucks on days like this. These days happen and I know that and I'm trying not to be hard on myself. It's this point in pregnancy where everything is just heightened. One stupid small thing that would normally not even cause me to blink makes me want to punch someone in the face. I'm overly emotional about everything and feeling sorry for myself is like a full time job. I know when the baby gets it won't be easier but at least I will have my body back and I can move around. I just need a hug and probably a really large glass of wine.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Sunday, May 19, 2013
please exit
So um ya done being pregnant. I know I've been saying that for a while now but this is serious now. This baby is big, I am sure of it. He feels so much bigger and different than Olive. Oh and the cramps. Today I had two contractions/Braxton Hicks that brought me down. Once scared me to the point where I was thinking this is it, he is on his way. Obviously the cramping is so spaced out and very clearly not the real deal but man oh man I am ready. On friday or I guess according to my midwifes calendar next sunday (a week from now) I will be 37 weeks and full term. While I trust my body will do what it needs to do and when it needs to do it I am for sure putting it out there that I am ready! When people ask when I'm due I always tell them the date then say but I am sure he will come early. Lets hope I'm not jinxing myself and he will come at 42 weeks. Oh can you just imagine???? His movements are so strong. So for now my guess he will come June 8th and he will be around 8.5 pounds.
The other night I went back and read a few of my postings from when I was 36 weeks with Olive. I complained about similar things but the funny part was (and I'm sure I went back and figured this out already) was that weeks before she was due I guessed the date and I actually blogged on her due date and talked about how I felt different for some reason and I just knew something was going to happen. It was a little strange honestly. I don't actually remember writing that or what I actually felt so I'm curious if this time around I will be that in touch. Either way just trying to positive and as healthy as possible. I got Olive's cold but I'm really trying to get it out of my body as fast as I can and hope that Blake doesn't get it and then he is sick when the baby is born. That would be a total nightmare! I felt it come on last night so today is day one and I managed to go to two parties and be in a pretty good mood so lets hope it's mild and quick. This week is a bit crazy as our garage decided to flood and we have no idea why. Luckily a plumber is coming out tomorrow but I'm guessing there is something major happening as there are other weird water related problems happening all over the house. Lets hope its not and can be done in a day. The last thing I want is a house that needs major work while I'm in labor. It would totally fuck with my nesting which is like in full crazy mode right now. Oh the poor lists that Blake gets at 4am when I can't sleep and feel crazy about things that I want done. Some of the things I obviously wish he would just do and I wouldn't have to ask him over and over but I'm pretty sure if he just pulled out the vacuum randomly one night after dinner or started cleaning the toilet I would for sure think he was cheating on me. But ya this mama needs some help. My house is just sticky and I can't keep up. I've been staring at a disgustingly dirty toaster and microwave all week that just needs love and I am just too tired to do it. The world isn't going to end if it's not cleaned but man oh man it sure bugs me when I'm in my anal want everything organized mode. Luckily we have been getting so much done with the house but since I'm not as helpful it's a bit slower. The chicken coop is all set up and looks awesome. We haven't moved them in there full time yet as they are still a bit too little but probably in the next week or two. We still have bushes to clear and flowers to plant but it looks soooooo much better!
I have big plans of bedtime before 10am so its time for a big ol photodump.
The other night I went back and read a few of my postings from when I was 36 weeks with Olive. I complained about similar things but the funny part was (and I'm sure I went back and figured this out already) was that weeks before she was due I guessed the date and I actually blogged on her due date and talked about how I felt different for some reason and I just knew something was going to happen. It was a little strange honestly. I don't actually remember writing that or what I actually felt so I'm curious if this time around I will be that in touch. Either way just trying to positive and as healthy as possible. I got Olive's cold but I'm really trying to get it out of my body as fast as I can and hope that Blake doesn't get it and then he is sick when the baby is born. That would be a total nightmare! I felt it come on last night so today is day one and I managed to go to two parties and be in a pretty good mood so lets hope it's mild and quick. This week is a bit crazy as our garage decided to flood and we have no idea why. Luckily a plumber is coming out tomorrow but I'm guessing there is something major happening as there are other weird water related problems happening all over the house. Lets hope its not and can be done in a day. The last thing I want is a house that needs major work while I'm in labor. It would totally fuck with my nesting which is like in full crazy mode right now. Oh the poor lists that Blake gets at 4am when I can't sleep and feel crazy about things that I want done. Some of the things I obviously wish he would just do and I wouldn't have to ask him over and over but I'm pretty sure if he just pulled out the vacuum randomly one night after dinner or started cleaning the toilet I would for sure think he was cheating on me. But ya this mama needs some help. My house is just sticky and I can't keep up. I've been staring at a disgustingly dirty toaster and microwave all week that just needs love and I am just too tired to do it. The world isn't going to end if it's not cleaned but man oh man it sure bugs me when I'm in my anal want everything organized mode. Luckily we have been getting so much done with the house but since I'm not as helpful it's a bit slower. The chicken coop is all set up and looks awesome. We haven't moved them in there full time yet as they are still a bit too little but probably in the next week or two. We still have bushes to clear and flowers to plant but it looks soooooo much better!
I have big plans of bedtime before 10am so its time for a big ol photodump.
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| ferris wheel hair. |
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| big bump. |
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| balboa bar before all the sprinkles fell off. |
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| she didn't seem to mind. |
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| wack-a-mole |
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| waiting on her hot dog. |
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| serious paint session. |
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| sometimes her outfit choices amuse me. i asked her to go put clothes on if she wanted to help me in the kitchen and she comes back in these. |
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| popcorn and the muppets movie. she wasn't too into it. |
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| so we did this instead. |
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| she is starting to kinda get it. |
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| dressed like a crazy cat lady and pants less smoothie drinking. |
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| everyday after her nap "lets go get those chickens." she just loves them! |
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| our garden is starting to really grow. we have so much arugula and i have no idea what to do with it except nightly salads for sure. the sweet peas are delicious but we only got those two. the squash is out of control and we will probably end up with like 20 in the next few days. |
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| birthday party bound. so i've been making wrapping paper and it's super fun. i made another one with stripes for a party today but forgot a photo. it's nothing fancy or complicated but i had the best time doing it. |
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| tea with the birthday girl violet. |
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| group photos are always interesting....... |
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| serious tea party attire. |
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| these little girls are the best. it was so cute to see them all dressed up. |
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| they all took a few stabs at it. |
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| helping the chickens in the coop. |
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| space ghost. |
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| breakdancing. |
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| pretty light. |
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| speedway. white trash entertainment at its finest. |
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| this kid loves cotton candy. |
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| harley night at speedway wearing pa's leather jacket. |
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| checking out the waves before brunch with the cousins. |
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| basketball. |
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| art table. |
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| and of course a quick swim. |
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| between parties we rested. |
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| then it was time to ride the pony. |
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| and of course a group shot or a good attempt. |
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| it's always fun to have an excuse to wear cowboy boots. |
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| and of course cupcakes. |
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
summer and getting the hell out of the house
As summer gets really close and we are spending tons of time in the backyard I'm trying to figure out what other things we need to make it super fun and comfortable back there. I think a lot of days will be spent back there when the baby comes and I'm not quite ready to venture out. I've been talking about getting a hammock forever but we don't really know where to put it. The hanging kind is my favorite but there really is no place so I think the stand kind will have to do. I've been eyeballing this one cause its adorable but it doesn't have a stand but I figure since I'm just making my ideal backyard it works right? I need to find something equally as amazing with a stand.
Geez look at me blogging almost everyday this week. I hardly have anything to say but just getting on here is a good vent for me even if it's stupid ramblings. This week has been pretty boring since we've been home the whole time. Olive must of asked me a million times today what we were going to do after breakfast, then after lunch, etc. I explained over and over that she was sick and we needed to stay home. The little smartie told me that we could go to the mall and that she would sit in the stroller. I like days at home here and there but a few in a row get kinda old. We played pretty hard from about 7:30-11 and then I just got super burnt out. She likes to go from one activity from the next and my body was just super slow today. Oh and my patience is like non existent. It's not Olive's fault but I'm crazy irritable. I think it's just being uncomfortable and a little bored. Staying home isn't my favorite either. If she wakes up rash free we are getting the hell out tomorrow. I told her I had something special planned (sick pending) so we shall see. Her cold is so so mild and besides like the slightest snot its just no big deal. I'm super considerate about bringing her out and about when she is sick and as long as I don't see a rash I'll be pretty sold that we are in the clear.
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Yellow Leaf Hammocks Southampton Hammock |
And really the snoopy snow cone machine needs no explanation at all. I had one as a kid and it was awesome. I'm sure there are probably modern ones that are much easier to use but a snow cone machine is so going to happen this summer. Oh that ice is my favorite!
Last we need a slip and slide. What is summer without a nasty grass rash?? Pretty sure they haven't changed the box since I was a kid. Again they probably have some awesome modern one but I'm feeling nostalgic tonight. What other summer treats am I missing?????
Last we need a slip and slide. What is summer without a nasty grass rash?? Pretty sure they haven't changed the box since I was a kid. Again they probably have some awesome modern one but I'm feeling nostalgic tonight. What other summer treats am I missing?????
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Wham-o Surf Rider Slip N Slide 16 Ft. Slide |
Geez look at me blogging almost everyday this week. I hardly have anything to say but just getting on here is a good vent for me even if it's stupid ramblings. This week has been pretty boring since we've been home the whole time. Olive must of asked me a million times today what we were going to do after breakfast, then after lunch, etc. I explained over and over that she was sick and we needed to stay home. The little smartie told me that we could go to the mall and that she would sit in the stroller. I like days at home here and there but a few in a row get kinda old. We played pretty hard from about 7:30-11 and then I just got super burnt out. She likes to go from one activity from the next and my body was just super slow today. Oh and my patience is like non existent. It's not Olive's fault but I'm crazy irritable. I think it's just being uncomfortable and a little bored. Staying home isn't my favorite either. If she wakes up rash free we are getting the hell out tomorrow. I told her I had something special planned (sick pending) so we shall see. Her cold is so so mild and besides like the slightest snot its just no big deal. I'm super considerate about bringing her out and about when she is sick and as long as I don't see a rash I'll be pretty sold that we are in the clear.
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| hoping some fresh oj will help the sick. |
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| cheers, always cheers. |
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| unicorn princess. |
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| we made an obstacle course for her and the unicorn. this kid has endless amounts of energy. |
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| a few seconds of relaxing before demanding "lets go get those chickens." |
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| popsicle season is kinda awesome. |
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| taunting sierra with her jelly beans. |
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| abc's and jelly beans. she isn't totally interested in learning her abc's so i'm trying to make it fun. |
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