today is my due date

Today is my due date. Had I waited this long I would have probably gone a bit insane so I'm lucky Otto had a better plan. Smart smart kid.

If you've been reading my blog since day one you know I talk a lot about boobs, specifically mine but just in general boobs. I'm fascinated by breastfeeding and everything that comes with it. Now that my milk is in and I'm starting the process all over again I'm kinda obsessed. Otto is currently going on hour 3 of his nap and I am not about to wake him. My boobs are like a faucet right now and I just find it hysterical. I was pacing back and forth waiting for him to wake but I realized that was crazy and I need to just relax even if these bad boys feel like they are going to explode. He is a good little eater and wants to eat about every hour and a half give or take. I'm 100% feeding on demand with him and so far its made me so much less stressed out. He knows when he wants to eat and he makes it totally clear. He is peeing and pooping like a champ and when weighed 4 days after birth he had only lost 2 oz so I think we are golden. The blisters are another story and I'm really working on his latch to make sure that isn't making it worse. Lots of patience!

Today I felt myself slip into that super emotional post pregnancy  mode. I feel like I just want to cry, not like I'm depressed at all, its actually quite the opposite but there is just so much emotion going on and the hormones in me are going insane. Its a funny thing to balance.   My body has sure taken on a lot this week or actually the past 9 months and now I feel good  (besides the drippy boobs) and I have the most beautiful little baby that I'm totally obsessed with and I'm just so damn happy I want to scream but at the same time I'm so so so tired. I've overwhelmed by my little family and how lucky I am but now that I have these two little ones that I just love more than anything in this world and I feel so happy but at the same time feel so scared like I want to protect them from everything and then my crazy mind starts to run away and I get paranoid about everything. I know I know,  slow down the crazy train !!! But its all part of coming down off pregnancy or at least that is what it feels like. Settle down my little hormones! I probably need a hug and a glass of wine. Today Olive has her dance performance. I'm not an overly emotional person when it comes happy events, like I don't really cry at weddings or movies or stuff like that but I almost lost my shit watching her dance. My eyes welled up but I held back cause had I let go were talking waterworks and like that sobbing can't catch your breath cry and I couldn't go there. Oh hormones please be kind to me.

creeping while they sleep. 

he took a giant poop and she thought it was the funniest thing ever. 

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post sponge bath. 

performance outfit. 

she graduates to the big kids dance. exciting times. 

attempting tummy time. 

olive took this of me. its a terrible terrible photo of me but i thought she framed it kinda amazing. 

olive took this of blake. cleaning up dog pee. 

watermelon boobs

I'm walking around with watermelons for boobs. Day 4 into this and we are slowly figuring it all out. A bit sleep deprived but we're all settling in. Blake has the week off work and my mom just went home for a few days.

Otto is the sweetest little baby ever. I think with Olive I was so busy being worried about everything I didn't totally soak in all that newborn amazingness. At this point its just about sleeping and eating and maybe a little awake time in there. Olive is handling everything pretty well. The combo of almost being three and a bit of attention being shifted away from her has made things a little harder but she will adjust. There have been a lot of repeating ourselves and telling her not to do the most ridiculous things but she is going to do what she has to do to rebel. Luckily she has nothing but sweetness and love for Otto and she can't keep her hands off him. She asks to hold him all day and she is getting pretty good about it besides sometimes a little too much squeezing. She says "him is just so cute" at least 5000 times a day. The days are pretty easy and normal but the nights get a little tricky. Olive hates sleep so we fight that nightly. It has nothing to do with Otto just that the kid wants to party till the wee hours of the night. We're still trying to figure out sleeping with Otto. He isn't much for sleeping in the co sleeper so we're trying to figure it out so we can all be happy and sleep. Like any baby he just wants to be held all night and I totally get that. Olive had to be swaddled and I'm not quite sure Otto needs that so its like this balance of trying to figure out his needs vs our sleeping. Lots of balance and trying different things.
Luckily we've been able to take naps during the day so we're hanging in there.

My body is coming back around slowly. I am sore from head to toe like a I ran a marathon but that is definitely to be expected. I feel like everything is kinda figuring out where it is supposed to go so I still move pretty slow. Considering what came out of my lower region there is no pain down there. But I have a freaking hemorrhoid. Gross right? But I remember pushing and thinking I am for sure going to get a hemorrhoid from this. I mean its kinda surprising that its all you get considering how insane pushing is. Anyways its my first and its not painful just kinda annoying. Breastfeeding is going well except for the cracked and sore nipples but each day they get better and I'm just looking forward to when they are healed and that initial latch doesn't make me wanna scream my brains out. Today already I feel a world of difference and I know tomorrow will hopefully be that much closer but man oh man in the middle of the night when you're body is just tired and worn out it sucks! I'm still paranoid as hell about thrush but I'm taking my pro-biotics and eating really healthy so I'm hoping it won't happen cause that shit was miserable.

I feel like my head has been full of things to say on here. I feel full of all this crazy mom emotion but somehow today writing just isn't flowin. I'm sure its the lack of sleep but until I can put together all my thoughts and words I leave photos cause that I can do!

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a few hours before going into labor. 

shortly after he arrived. 

home and hanging in bed. 

the first hold. 

they have been on so many adventures this week. she is going to be so sad when he has to go back to work monday. 

i love watching his little hand positions. 

Welcome Otto

Otto is here! He arrived on June 9th at 10:21 am. That is the birth day of 6913. Really universe really?? 7 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches. A million photos and updates to come but I wanted to write about the birth while it was still fresh in my head. I'm a bit sleep deprived so it may be all over the place but this is my story......

I think I kinda had an idea it was coming. Saturday was a pretty normal day. We ran errands and got lunch out and I felt pretty good, just crampy. I started to lose my plug on friday so I knew something was coming just not how fast it would actually happen. Saturday night was a late one. Olive took a crazy late nap so she was up till almost 10pm. After dinner we made cupcakes and I felt pretty good. The sudden burst of energy is always a good indicator! Around 12:30am I started getting this crazy feeling like he was literally dropping down into my birth canal. It wasn't so much painful as it was weird and it wasn't anything I would call contractions. I think I finally went to sleep for about an hour and woke up around 3am. I started feeling contractions which for sure felt like the real deal. By about 3:30 I had already had 2 pretty strong ones so I came out to the living room so I could watch a movie and maybe start timing them. I put on a movie and was able to watch maybe 30 min all while stopping it to have a bunch of contractions. I didn't think it could be real as they were coming so fast and so so strong. By around 5am they were about 10 min apart going for almost exactly 1 min and I woke up Blake. Olive also decided to wake up. It was a labor party! I called my midwife around 6:30 while Blake's family was arriving and at that point the contractions were 5 min apart. We all decided to meet at the birth center at 7:30am. They were coming on so so strong but they would only last that min and stop which I never experienced with Olive. By the time we arrived at the birth center they were at 2 min apart. My midwife checked me and said I was only 3cm dilated and 90% effaced. Ummmmm major letdown considering I was in so much pain already. I have a high tolerance to pain and am a pretty tough cookie but this was a lot to handle and I wasn't even half way there. She told me to walk around for an hour and come back and we could go from there. You guys, I had visions of getting in my car and going to the hospital cause I could not for the life of me imagine being in labor all day with this much pain. I don't know exactly what a hospital would do but the thought crossed my mind. Blake was amazing and walked with me for the hour while stopping every 2 min so I could hang on him and work through the contraction. We came back inside and I just felt like everything was so much more intense. The contractions were now at least a min apart and so so so strong. I was getting into that primal moan scream mode. My midwife wanted to check me again since it has been an hour. 7 cm!!! She told me to get in the bath and have a baby. Talk about feeling so much better after being at 3 cm an hour before that. She was so reassuring the whole time and told me the walking would push him down and that I was having a baby this morning. All stuff you need to hear. My doula unfortunately couldn't make it but she had always told me to never listen to numbers only your body. That rang through my head the whole time.

Getting in the tub was life changing. I felt so much better and it for sure relaxed my body. I want to say I got in the tub around 9:30. I think this was the most intense part. I could feel my body start to get that pushing sensation but it was still not quite there and the pain was intense and strong and I was screaming pretty damn loud at this point. Moaning does help as silly and crazy as you sound it feels good. Around 10 I felt like it was time to start pushing. With each contraction I could bear down and pushing started to feel right. Pain aside this is one of the most amazing feelings and sensations ever, I mean your body is basically like ok its go time. You get this signal and it is clear as day that it's time to push. I want to say my first real pushes were a little after 10 as I remember my mother in law saying lets go for 10:11 cause that is her birthday. Otherwise I would have had no concept of time in there. The pushing was intense and crazy and being so aware and in touch with your body during this is just insane. My mom and mother in law were both next to me helping me with breathing which was honestly the best thing ever. The thing is the pain would kinda take over and I would just want to scream or give up but I had them telling me where to focus my breathing and I just tuned in on them and was able to really focus. This wouldn't work for some people but for me it gave me a focus. I think I was holding both of their hands so sorry as you are both probably sore as hell. Squeezing hands does help! I felt my water break after a few pushes and I could really feel him getting closer. He felt so tight in there like I could feel him against my bones in there. What a crazy crazy feeling. My midwife told me she could see hair and that some of the water bag was still intact so she asked if she could pop it. Um gladly. So with a few more pushes he was out. Super human mom strength kicked in at the end. I mean when you can feel that head sticking half way out you push and you push hard. Like you get to the point where you don't think you have anything in you but all the encouragement around me made it that much easier. Once his head was out I could see the cord was wrapped around his neck and he was a lovely purple color. Oddly I didn't panic which is so not like me and either did my midwife. She reached down casually took it off and placed him on my belly and  he started crying. Talk about feeling amazing. The pain of pushing and contractions are just gone and you feel light. Oh human body you are one crazy thing. So all in all I think I pushed for maybe 17 min but it felt much longer. I sat with him like that for awhile before Blake got to cut the cord. I love this part. Still being attached like this outside the womb is kinda crazy.

The best part was no tears. Let me tell you how much of a difference that makes. Ya I felt sore but it was no big deal compared to last time with I had one stitch and it felt like my insides were just going to fall out everywhere. He was perfect and totally healthy! Once he finally opened his eyes we could see they were blue and he has hair on his head!

This time around felt so much different and so much more intense. I don't know why but the pain was a lot harder to manage this time. I think since everything came on so much faster it was just more intense. As painful and crazy as it was I still totally loved the experience of being so aware and in touch with my body. Ya its kinda nuts and there were times I felt like I didn't know how I was going to handle another contraction but I did. My body did everything it was supposed to and even when I screamed and had tears in my eyes I trusted it was going to do its job and get this baby out. My mind was so clear after and I was able to totally focus on everything.

So this is my story. I'm a proud mama that I got a healthy baby out of all of this. I'm also hoping Blake will write his story for me on here. Will ya?? Stay tuned for me to blab all about Otto and post a billion photos.

39 weeks

Tomorrow I will  be 39 weeks. WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Just waiting and waiting. I'm terribly uncomfortable but still hanging in there. I'm pretty limited in what I do these days but I've been able to get out and about with my moms help and entertain Olive or take care or errands. 

Olive is certainly hitting a funny little phase of the I'm almost three and I'm going to put you through hell. I don't know if it's a combination of the baby coming or being almost 3 but holy shit she could start wars with her attitude. She has started talking really nasty to me and she will pronounce each word really slowly and yell at me like a mom would do to a kid. Funny thing is I don't generally yell at her. I mean ya I lose my temper here and there but for the most part I'm pretty calm. Getting dressed has been a total battle lately. If I pick something out she tells me she wants something else and just throws herself down and gets insanely mad. The white skirt below was her choice and not worth a fight. I usually give her choices between shirts or bottoms but lately I've been so exhausted I just throw something on her bed and ask her to get dressed. She is capable of doing it herself unless there are buttons but these days that is not happening. I should probably just let the whole clothes thing go but I really love dressing her. She is so strong willed that breaking her is impossible, she just won't back down. Usually when we are done playing with blocks or whatever I ask her to clean it up before we move to the next thing or tell her I will help her. It's never been a problem and she is usually happy to do it but lately it will always be a fight and there will be tears every single time. Pretty much whatever I say will be a fight. People don't generally talk about three year olds, I mean there are the terrible two's but what about three??? So far these days are proving to be way harder because now I have a little human that can talk and reason and fully communicate with me. Yesterday she was yelling at me about something and she just looked at me and said "I need to get away from you." and walked in her room and slammed the door. Really??? There has been a lot of door slamming. I mean is it just built into girls to slam doors? I have never slammed a door in my life around her and she doesn't watch tv shows with that happening. Little glimpses of teenage Olive for sure. I know I was exactly the same way so all I can do is laugh and try to figure out how to handle the battles so they are not wars with us. My little rebel................

big belly!

i'm sure Opie appreciates the princess gloves. 

japanese bbq. 

riot and unbrushed hair. 

The chickens are getting pretty comfortable. 

beer battered taco night. i also made the best tarter sauce ever. i love me some mayo! 

the chickens like to creep in the house when we're eating. 

Herman in the belly

When I was pregnant with Olive Blake did a pretty intense series of photos of me. All were shot with his 4x5 camera. Its pretty cool to look back at them especially being pregnant again and seeing how different my body was. So just recently he finished editing them and posted the series on his blog. If you want to check them out click here but fair warning a few of them have my boobies all up in yo face.

So this time around we did a shoot at his studio at work. I still get weirded out being on this side of the camera but I'm pretty excited how these turned out.

no emo

I promise I won't get all emo and depressing on this post. Still trying to work it all out in my head but for now whats done is done and I need to concentrate on this baby in my belly and my little wild child. I had my first oh my gosh is this baby coming fake out the other night. I woke up around 2am to some cramping and spent about an hour tossing and turning and timing things in my head. I was definitely having contractions as opposed to Braxton Hicks. I got up and went to the couch as I didn't want my restlessness to wake up Blake if things were going to get real. I sat on the couch the rest of the morning and the contractions came on about every 30 min or so but they were not really painful just mild but definitely last for a good strong minute. After I had the 3rd or 4th one I told myself if I couldn't sleep and had any more pain I would call my parents and have them come over but I ended up falling asleep and when I woke up an hour later the cramping was gone. Sorta weird but I guess just all part of the prep that my body is going through. Luckily Blake had the morning off and was able to take Olive to swim and to run some errands and I was able to lounge around and rest. My mom came down in the evening so I've been able to get some resting in. These last few days have been hard on my body. I'm starting to get back pain and my belly is sure growing fast. On sunday night he was the most active I've ever felt and Blake and I were just in awe watching his limbs poke out of me. It was totally surreal. But now I think he may have settled into place because he has slowed down a lot and his movements feel like he is super snug in there. I still have a while to go unless he decides to come early but we shall see. For now I'm just trying to get what I can done and have my mom help entertain Olive.

critters. 

doughnut top eater. 

kissing bugs. 

waiting for her moment to body slam me. 

afternoon popsicles. 

the post nap grump face. 

sierra's favorite food is the carrot. olive uses this to torture her when we make carrots and hummus. 

doing this as much as possible. 

updating the cape. 

manicures for grandma. 

petting zoo. 

i don't care for bunnies but this guy was pretty cute. 

i'm huge and for some reason my boobs look extremely far apart but this is pregnancy at almost 39 weeks. oye! 

dress up. 

helping me through the cramping clearly.