bipolar bear

I'm in full zone out mode. For the first time in years I put on music while on my computer. I've noticed lately I'm lacking music in my life and it's making me insane. Of course I listen to music in my car but I never just zone out and really listen. Tonight I had to, it was one of those trying days where I for sure needed to take my brain elsewhere. I hate complaining about shitty days but the last few weeks maybe even months have been really hard. I wish there was no such thing as terrible twos and there were just hard days but man oh man this is trying. The attitude, the not listening, the testing, the screaming at me, and the crazy way she acts around her friends. That is just a small part. If it was here and there I wouldn't care but its constant. I feel like every single place I go she makes a full on scene and I end up acting like a crazy mom or at least a heavy dose of birth control for people around us. I've tried every possible approach to her. The sweet kind calm approach and the crazy psyco mom screaming at the top of my lungs. Sometimes one works and sometimes nothing works. It's totally unpredictable. It's hard because while I want her to listen to me I feel like I'm also molding this little human and teaching them wrong and right. No pressure right? So I don't want to ignore a single behavior but at some point there is just nothing I can do to reason with her ya know? She does have a sweet side and she is so kind and gentle when she wants to be. She is so funny and smart and I love her to pieces but when does a mom get a break? I want her to be respectful and when I see her acting like a crazy person I feel like I've gone wrong or that it's my fault. I know I'm a good mom and I know I have given her everything I am capable of but when she acts like a psycho what am I supposed to think?? I hang out with a lot of kids so I know she isn't the only one like this but I also know she is one of very few. I have major playdate anxiety because I have no idea what she is going to do. This weekend we had Hanukah with the family and she was doing so well with her cousins. She was playing nicely and everything was great till she started pulling at one of her cousins sweater and trying to pull her down on the ground. She wasn't being mean but she wanted to play and after I literally told her about 10 times she just didn't stop. I had to pull her away and we sat down and talked about it. It was so embarrassing. I know it sounds lame but when you are screaming at your kid and they don't listen it's a reflection of you and your parenting. I mean I used to think that.  I want Olive to respect me and what I tell her. I know it's crazy to want this at 2 but then when do you start? I mean this is when it's all coming together?? I don't know I'm really having a hard time and luckily I have some great mom friends to vent to and swap stories but at the same time I'm also scared shitless of what my kid is going to do. Parenting a toddler is no fucking joke.

Last week was a total bust as Olive was sick the entire week. My mom was out and we were supposed to do a million fun things but Olive felt crappy. It was the first time I've seen her really sick and it was so sad. Luckily my mom was here to help or it would have been a crazy week but we got through it and managed to get some fun in there too. Olive met Santa and it was tear free! She was actually pretty excited to meet him and walked up to him like a champ. After they took a few photos she sat up there talking to him. I could see her hands moving like she was telling him a story. I actually had to go up and take her off his lap, she would have talked the poor guys ear off. My little libra does not stop talking. She told us she was asking him for Buzz and Woody (Toy Story). She is getting really excited about Christmas and starting to put it all together. We showed her Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special and she loved it. It took us a few nights to finish the whole thing but she keeps asking for Pee Wee and she thinks she is hysterical. Think it will be our little holiday tradition to watch during the holidays. I haven't watched the special probably since it aired in the 90's and wow it is weirder than ever. I used to love that show as a kid and as an adult it totally holds up. We've been crafting as many holiday crafts as we can and I think my favorite so far has been making salt ornaments. Well painting them. She seemed to love doing that and it kept her pretty busy. I'm totally enjoying the holiday season and sharing all the fun winterish stuff with her. Lets just hope it can drop below 70 this week so we can feel a bit more winterish.

mint hot chocolate in which we will always remember from the large stain on our floor that somehow will not come up. 

she was actually really good at putting them on the tree. 

helping to plant new grass. 

dim sum. 

tea.

happy birthday to me! 

kat and sonia doing the hot chocolate dance. 

long day, getting sleepy. 

wild riders. 

petco is always a fun chore. 

sick face.

marisa came to visit!!!

sick morning. 

pup sitting millie. 

lunch with grandma. 

cookie decorating. 

reindeer carousel. 

her hands are my favorite. 

we are dinner at a place with sawdust on the floor. amazing. 

raver fort. 

that was the space i slept in all night. sick baby and snugly pup didn't really care. 

car races. 

jumping while watching pee wee. 

milk mustache. 

sidecar doughnut tasting. big fan! 

pickle eater. 

rain

This week has been filled with lots of rainy days and I just love it. It's a nice break and I know that next week will go back to the 70's so I'm trying to soak in as much rainboot wearing as possible. The holidays are coming up which means lots of busy weekends and too many carbs to even think about. I just can't wait to get my tree up. Blake was kinda a meanie and told me we had to wait till December to do it. Aka he was lazy. Whatever my tree is going up this weekend no matter what and I can't wait. I think Olive will enjoy putting the ornaments on this year. She gets really excited when she sees Christmas stuff but I'm not sure she totally gets what happens. Today we attempted to make a gingerbread house which was a load of shit. Ummmm why is it so hard to construct?? I finally got the thing together after waiting over three hours for it to dry and when I had Olive sit down at the table to decorate it the whole thing crashed down. Total fail. Olive didn't mind and we decorated the walls and she mostly picked at all the candy and licked the frosting so it wasn't a total loss but still it was so annoying! We had a fun little craft day with a friend this week and made a countdown chain to Christmas. She has been pretty good about taking off a chain each day and it gives me a good idea of what kinda shopping days I have to work with too so its a win win.

The highlight of the month was definitely going to see Yo Gabba Gabba Live. I thought she was going to go nuts and dance around but she sat through the entire show totally wide eyed and wouldn't do a thing. I sang and danced and tried to get her to do the same and she would pull her arms away and tell me no like a full embarrassed teenager. I think actually seeing the gabba characters singing all her favorite songs live and on stage was totally overwhelming. If DJ Lance would leave the stage she would always ask where he was or if he was coming back but otherwise that was all we got out of her. If you looked around the audience there was mostly the same blank looks on the kids faces. Of course there were a bunch of kids dancing their asses off but a lot of what the hell is going on blank faces. After the show we got to meet all the characters and even had a special little one on one with DJ Lance thanks to #1 Uncle Evan. I think that was the highlight of the night for sure. She was so excited to meet everyone and give them hugs. Especially Lance as he is her favorite right now for sure! She hasn't stopped talking about the show so I know she had the best time ever.

A quick visit to the Bowers Museum. 

Disneyland. 

First Movie. Wreck it Ralph 3-D. A large icee led to 4 bathroom breaks and 1 straw replacement.  She did ok, not exactly rushing out to see another movie anytime soon but maybe in another few months. 

Olive took this photo of me. 

Dumbo, Disneyland. 

late dinner and a super sleepy kid. 

fresh squeezed oj. 

kissing cousins. 

cousins. 

ice cream. 

cousins. 

making a mess for sierra to clean up. 

playing house with gg. 

jacuzzi time. 

the only uncle that has hot pink toe nails. i think i may be to blame as i pretty much made him my doll when i was a kid. oops. 

pedicures. 

yep.

her new favorite thing is to skateboard. 

gabba show. 

muno! 

hugs. 

they spun around. 

kylie is keeping her well fueled to meet her gabba friends. 

kinda amazing. 

after the show we got sushi and this one crashed. 

blake started racing bikes so we cheered him on. 

baby forest is 3 months old and almost as big as olive.

cheerleader. 

eating seaweed and watching little mermaid. 

christmas countdown. 

hot chocolate. 

we're  having a bit of a growth spurt around here. a nap after her nap and eating sooooo much. 

bounce house. 

the ladies.

puddles. 

baby wearing and dressed like a fancy lady. 

found in my camera roll. 

we're watching millie for the week. she wasn't mad at this. 

puddle jumping. 

it's rare we get to wear these bad boys around here. 

this.