balance

I think its obvious when you have another kid it's "harder" but I think what I thought would be hard isn't and what I never thought about it actually the hardest. Does that even make sense? I have full mom period brain and coffee and food isn't doing anything to me. Does anyone eat and drink like a ravaging maniac while breastfeeding and having your period? I feel like Otto is nursing a lot these days which is totally fine and I think he's growing (finally) but holy shit I am starving all the time. I seriously feel like I can't keep up. Anyways back to my point. This morning was kinda tough. I'm pretty good at balance in some aspects of my life but lately it's been really hard. Olive is VERY demanding of my time. I mean I get it, first child and she has kinda gotten everything she wants. Now with Otto in the picture he needs me too. When he was a baby I could still play with her while just holding him. He was happy to sit with me and watch. Now he wants to play and thats great but Olive doesn't always get that I need to give him some of his own time. They really do play soooooo good together like its amazing but sometimes they both need space which I so get. BUT when Olive wants all of my attention which is usually when I'm trying to sit with Otto and read him a book or play something with him it's hard. This morning after I got Otto dressed we sat down in his room and read a few books. Olive stormed in and demanded we play in her room. When she saw I was reading to Otto she was awful, screaming and crying and trying to push him off my lap. When I ignored her she just got more annoying which makes me put the attention on her which is exactly what she wants. Otto gets distracted and thinks she is getting wild so he starts pulling her hair and wrestling. I know its weird. She tried to sit on my lap calmly but then she takes over the books. I know it's just about the balance but I'm struggling a bit with it. When Otto naps I try and do as much with her but I also have to run a house which means all the other stuff like laundry, dishes, etc. My house is a sticky mess so trust me when I say I choose my kids over cleaning. Tonight Otto had swim and since Olive isn't in lessons she isn't allowed in the pool. We've talked about this now for the last 2 weeks and I felt like she really got it. She told me over and over that she would be happy sitting there playing with my phone. When we got there the tears just started coming down and she was so so upset. She didn't get hysterical but was just plain sad. I got her cookies and gave her my phone but she just sat and cried. Of course I felt awful and luckily Otto's swim instructors daughter was there to sit with her and entertain her so she was totally fine but who the hell knows what will happen next week. The entire ride home she talked about it. I know its fair as Otto and I sit at her dance and soccer but she isn't getting that no matter how many times I explain it. So ya the balance things is a tricky mother fucker.

Summer has started off pretty good and busy. I'm feeling excited to be doing a million things and being outside everyday. Olive is at the perfect age for the beach. She plays with her friends the entire time and loves it. Otto just wanders, mostly straight to the water but has the best time. He loves the sand and for some reason has no fear of the waves. It's a bit busy but he's happy there so that is all that matters. Having two active kids is hard, I'm still figuring that out. Before Otto could walk errands were pretty easy but now its a wild ride. Things get done but its always quite the adventure. Everything is a process and I feel like once I get a grip on anything it changes. I feel like I've found a good balance lately. Once my foot healed I felt a bit more calm. Some days when I feel like I'm going to burst I think about how I did it on crutches and it kinda centers me. I've had a lot of hard days don't get me wrong, mostly just long days as Blake has been working insane hours. Somehow its always busy season at his work. I know he is working hard and I can't REALLY complain but its hard not having any relief. The last few weeks has been hard cooking dinner. Otto has been getting super tired around 5 and just wants to be held which I LOVE but makes for cooking dinner with one hand tricky. I've managed but its hard and makes the whole process like a million times longer. Then bath, then bed. It's a lot of work and I know a lot of people are in the same position as me but this is my blog so I get to complain. When I get frustrated I really try and remember this time when they are little is so short and in a few years I will have to beg them to sit and eat dinner.

In Otto news he is walking everywhere, eats like a 400 pound man, and LOVES hugs, like best hugger around. He has quite the little temper when he doesn't get his way but otherwise he is so so so sweet. He gives high fives all day long even if you don't ask. His favorite word is still Olive and dat which I think is that? When my phone makes any noise he immediately puts his hands to his ear and say hello. Its the cutest. I'm pretty sure he said snake today which is a new one. He proudly says "all done" after his meals and means it. He will have a dance party anywhere. I love this age as I feel like every day its something different but it is busy busy. He's still nursing and I have no intentions of weaning him. It's just so easy for both of us so I feel like we should just stick with it till I feel like it's time. He's been getting called she so much the last few days which I find so strange. Like I got it with Olive cause she was bald but Otto looks very much like a boy.

Olive is 3 going on 16. Nothing gets past this one. She is as smart as they come and just gets it. She is so curious and excited about everything. Sometimes I just watch her and wonder how she comes up with half the things she does. Lately I've really been watching her artistic side really really come out. She has always had it but lately I see a different side of it. She changes her outfit at least 5-6 times a day but each outfit has so much thought put into it. It's not at all random but totally intentional. She has all the attitude and sass! She just started a more competetive soccer team and she is really really doing well. She is VERY serious about it and about winning. She has so much fun and is actually quite good. She plays with boys too so I think it pushes her a bit. This would bother some kids but it really helps her. I really feel like she likes the competative nature of it. She's a good one.

I had big plans to write more as Blake and Olive are doing a late night Disney date but I can barely keep my eyes open. Uggg so so lame.

5am wake up from Otto-on vacation. Boo.

Kid owned the buffet. 

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Last day of school.