preschool + 3 months

Geez its seriously been weeks since I've been on the computer. Seems like I cant find enough time to get on here and then once the kids are in bed the only thing I want to do is lounge on the couch if I'm not at kickboxing. Otto hit 3 months last week. He is currently trying to pop out two teeth. Seems a bit early but I guess it can happen. They aren't even his bottom two teeth but two teeth that are towards the back. Super strange but whatever. He's had a rough week with the drooling. He is normally the easiest and happiest kid so its been pretty sad to see him in pain. He tries so hard not to be bummed out by it but he will just shove his hand in his mouth and whimper. I can't, I just can't. Today was much better as it looks like the one tooth is super close so maybe the bad part is over. Besides the teething he has been amazing and just the happiest and sweetest baby. He just goes with the flow pretty well, poor kid can't really get in a proper nap most of the time as were just always out and about doing a million and one things. I'm starting to figure out his schedule, based purely on what he naturally wants to do. Since I can't really sit at home all day and give him proper naps he kinda just naps on the go but I'm finding that he pretty much gets tired around the same time of day which makes it a little easier to plan for if possible. He seems to be spacing out his eating bit more and his bedtime is slowly getting earlier. I feel like he's getting out of that newborn stage and into more of a baby. I don't want him to grow up, I'm enjoying every second of him. He can't keep a smile off his face and I swear every time I look at him he just lights up and smiles and giggles. Its just the best! I hope he loves me like this forever. 

Olive is doing so good with him besides being a tad bit rough and not totally getting that he's just a baby. She will just lay all over him and not understand that she can squash him. He just smiles and laughs but I get so worried she is going to crush him. She is so funny with him and makes up the best names to call him. My favorite is Pinecone. No idea why but its the greatest. I think she totally forgot that he was once Herman to her. She has been totally interested in how he came out of my belly. It's like one day she just looked at me and realized he came out of me. I told her he came out of my vagina. The first time I told her this she didn't say anything. About every other day she will just confirm with me that Otto did indeed come out of my vagina. The other day she started talking about coming out a hole in there so she is putting things together. Ya its a bit much, (TMI alert) but I love watching her little brain connect things. Olive started preschool and is doing great so far. The first day I dropped her off I was so nervous. Like full stomach ache like I was starting school or a new job. Ugggg I HATE that feeling. I call it the butterflies that have to poop feeling. Of course she nailed it. We walked into school and she asked me if she could go and play. She gave me and Otto a kiss and ran off. I watched her for a few minutes and small talked with another mom. Olive ran up to some other kids and starting playing and as I left she was playing ball with one of her teachers. I just waved and went on my way. She tells me she is having a great time and the real winner is she has asked to take naps after school. She is just so so tired. The other days we don't have school naps are kinda not happening. Just trying to get settled into the school schedule and figure out all out other activities. We finally sent out invites for her party so I've been in prep mode and trying to gather everything I can. I'm getting excited about having a big party as we didn't do one last year and this time around she is actually really excited and understands what is going on. She will be 3 in less than a week. I don't think its fully hit me yet but she is so old! This kid of mine keeps me on my toes. I think its going to be a really fun and VERY challenging age with her. 

As the summer comes to and end we were able to escape for a weekend with some friends to San Diego. We did a 5K bubble run which was pretty awesome and messy and then stayed the night and sat poolside at a hotel in san diego. It was a great getaway with the whole family. Life has been a bit busy around here and we sadly don't get to spend much time with Blake. We don't get to eat dinner with him for the most part. I tried pushing our dinners so we could all enjoy it together but it just got later and later and its been way too hard especially with it getting darker sooner. Olive is bummed on it and it sucks for me as making dinner with no help and then having to eat it wrangling two is tricky but we manage. I try not to get bummed or complain but its hard. Some days are just really tricky but I'm really trying to get through them and do the best I can. My patience isn't always at its best but you do what you can. 

Here we go again....

wine me

Hi. Ya still here. As usual I got caught up in everything else around me and neglected this little space. I'm beat, like so tired I can't even function properly. I'm recovering from a mini meltdown I just had. I have to say sometimes a good cry just makes it all better. Same old story. Some days I can pull off this mom thing but the last few days not so much. I constantly find myself angry and yelling at Olive. EVERYTHING is a battle with her EVERYTHING. Having a normal conversation or just being pleasant is so far and few between and besides it being exhausting I'm sad. I know she is almost 3 going on 15 but seriously this is hard. Each age has come with its difficulties (and of course the good stuff) but shit has been tricky. Repeating myself all day long is just getting exhausting. I just want like one thing that I say to not be an argument, just one. I feel like I just can't catch my breathe and at the end of the day I'm just wiped out. My only sanity is kickboxing and while I'm glad I've been able to go here and there I need more. The house looks like a bomb went off, everything is sticky. I can't keep up with it. At the end of the night when the kids are in bed its after 9 and that gives me an hour of me time before I go to bed, if that. Olive is still on her fighting sleep kick which I actually think isn't a phase but is just her thing. No matter what time she goes down there is a good hour of fighting sleep, sometimes she is pleasant and sings or talks but a lot of the time is repeating something over and over. Did I mention preschool starts monday?? Of course I'm having anxiety over leaving her with someone who isn't family but I'm also excited to have some time alone with Otto. Sometimes I think maybe its ridiculous to be living here, being so far away from my mom. I mean I need the help. Its at the point now where its not just nice to have, it's that I just can't do it anymore. I know other people do it with no help and have way more kids than me, less money, less support from husbands but I'm not them. I'm just being honest in the fact that this is hard. I feel like if I had more time to just step back and take a breath I could be such a better parent. I'm hoping Olive being in preschool a few hours a week will give me that breath. I also know that I need to spend some sort of one on one time with her. It must be so hard sharing her time with Otto when it has only been her for so long. That and when he is awake its kinda all about him needing to eat or have his diaper changed. I know getting the whole balancing thing  down will be hard as it takes time. I feel like I've gotten to the point where I've figured out how to get out the house and do multiple errands, playdates, or do whatever our day entails but I haven't quite figured out how to balance the emotional part. If anyone wants to give me some pointers I'm open........

Crazy kiddo aside we had a great Labor Day weekend. It was insanely busy and we saw so many friends and family. It was pretty non stop but super fun. There was a lot of swimming that happened this weekend. Pretty much upon waking up Olive was in the pool. This heat wave is still going strong. I guess this is our summer. I always forget how damn hot it can get in september. It's no joke. Guess that makes for more beach days ahead. No complaints although I have my eyes on some cute boots so I'm kinda getting ready to get into that fall mode. But I won't rush it since I can't fit into my jeans yet. Still
S L O W L Y losing the weight. Kickboxing is helping and although I have a ways to go I feel better, stronger I guess. In my quest to find some sort of sanity I've been listening to podcasts again. I know its like the simplest thing ever but it makes me feel sane, like I have some sort of idea what is going on with the rest of the world, it's nice. So lots of This American Life and The Moth!  Olive wears her headphones with her leap pad so she doesn't get to hear the sweet sound of Ira Glass. Simple pleasures.

And for the massive photo bomb....

Boys. 

Going crazy. 

I've only told her to not play in here 1000000000000 times. 

A much needed girls night. 

Olive and Stella. Yep that's a doll on her back. 

Over labor day weekend there was a lot of this. 

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Same game different day. 

My friends from high schools kids. We're old and shit. 

I've known these ladies since elementary school. 

Exhausted. 

Otto hanging with Pa and Nick. 

Hanging under the table. Classy. 

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Lily and Olive. 

Cousins. 

My cousins. Youngest to oldest. 

My grandma gave Olive one of her old jewelry boxes and filled it up with goodies. She is beyond excited with it. 

Wrist full. 

The chickens are super interested in Otto. 

Organizing. 

Lots of wraps and carrying going around in this house. 

Decorating Otto. 

This little group is growing with all the new little ones. Crazy. 

Sleepy boy at dance class.