So I peed on a stick.......: wine me

Hi. Ya still here. As usual I got caught up in everything else around me and neglected this little space. I'm beat, like so tired I can't even function properly. I'm recovering from a mini meltdown I just had. I have to say sometimes a good cry just makes it all better. Same old story. Some days I can pull off this mom thing but the last few days not so much. I constantly find myself angry and yelling at Olive. EVERYTHING is a battle with her EVERYTHING. Having a normal conversation or just being pleasant is so far and few between and besides it being exhausting I'm sad. I know she is almost 3 going on 15 but seriously this is hard. Each age has come with its difficulties (and of course the good stuff) but shit has been tricky. Repeating myself all day long is just getting exhausting. I just want like one thing that I say to not be an argument, just one. I feel like I just can't catch my breathe and at the end of the day I'm just wiped out. My only sanity is kickboxing and while I'm glad I've been able to go here and there I need more. The house looks like a bomb went off, everything is sticky. I can't keep up with it. At the end of the night when the kids are in bed its after 9 and that gives me an hour of me time before I go to bed, if that. Olive is still on her fighting sleep kick which I actually think isn't a phase but is just her thing. No matter what time she goes down there is a good hour of fighting sleep, sometimes she is pleasant and sings or talks but a lot of the time is repeating something over and over. Did I mention preschool starts monday?? Of course I'm having anxiety over leaving her with someone who isn't family but I'm also excited to have some time alone with Otto. Sometimes I think maybe its ridiculous to be living here, being so far away from my mom. I mean I need the help. Its at the point now where its not just nice to have, it's that I just can't do it anymore. I know other people do it with no help and have way more kids than me, less money, less support from husbands but I'm not them. I'm just being honest in the fact that this is hard. I feel like if I had more time to just step back and take a breath I could be such a better parent. I'm hoping Olive being in preschool a few hours a week will give me that breath. I also know that I need to spend some sort of one on one time with her. It must be so hard sharing her time with Otto when it has only been her for so long. That and when he is awake its kinda all about him needing to eat or have his diaper changed. I know getting the whole balancing thing down will be hard as it takes time. I feel like I've gotten to the point where I've figured out how to get out the house and do multiple errands, playdates, or do whatever our day entails but I haven't quite figured out how to balance the emotional part. If anyone wants to give me some pointers I'm open........

Crazy kiddo aside we had a great Labor Day weekend. It was insanely busy and we saw so many friends and family. It was pretty non stop but super fun. There was a lot of swimming that happened this weekend. Pretty much upon waking up Olive was in the pool. This heat wave is still going strong. I guess this is our summer. I always forget how damn hot it can get in september. It's no joke. Guess that makes for more beach days ahead. No complaints although I have my eyes on some cute boots so I'm kinda getting ready to get into that fall mode. But I won't rush it since I can't fit into my jeans yet. Still
S L O W L Y losing the weight. Kickboxing is helping and although I have a ways to go I feel better, stronger I guess. In my quest to find some sort of sanity I've been listening to podcasts again. I know its like the simplest thing ever but it makes me feel sane, like I have some sort of idea what is going on with the rest of the world, it's nice. So lots of This American Life and The Moth! Olive wears her headphones with her leap pad so she doesn't get to hear the sweet sound of Ira Glass. Simple pleasures.

And for the massive photo bomb....