sleep would be nice

This week has been tricky and good and long and happy and a lot of other things. Blake is in Costa Rica on a man vacation and I'm bitter about it. It's a long story and I don't want/need to get into it but he is there and I am here. Marriage isn't always easy, communicating is even harder. Add kids into the mix and it's even crazier. I'm happy he is away and relaxing. He deserves a trip, he works hard but I work  hard too. Being a mom is the hardest job I've ever had in my life. It's not always rewarding and there are no set hours and sometimes when you need a break you don't get one. Life has kinda been in a funny place., I mean isn't is always? I keep thinking one day I will figure it all out but I guess that would be boring right?

The last few days my mom has been helping me out which has been the best thing ever. I couldn't have survived this week without her. Olive has entered a crazy toddler phase and I also think her 2 year old molars are coming in so it's been a lot of long days, meltdowns, and Olive throwing the word no at my like nobodies business. She has tested me in every way possible and it's hard. She has a ton of moments of laughter and silliness and tons of sweetness but it's always the hard stuff that gets ya down. I'm trying to focus on her sweet moments at the end of the day and the fun things we've done to keep myself happy.

I feel like lately I keep getting asked when we are going to have more babies. I kinda just say we'll see after summer which is true. We've talked about it here and there but I think selfishly it's more me being cautious. This summer will be the first summer in 2 years that I haven't been pregnant or had a baby attached to my boobs and I'm feeling ok with a little break. Olive is at a fun age even with the crazy toddler days. She is independent, adventurous, and pretty good about being spontaneous. I want to enjoy this time with her and just go and do. I think for Blake it's harder for him to understand but being pregnant is hard. I was lucky to have a great pregnancy the first time around but I was tired and I'm worried about what it will be like with Olive and being tired. She isn't one to sit and relax while I'm tired ya know. Also this is the first time in years even before I was pregnant that I feel like I'm in good shape. I mean don't get my wrong I'm not prancing around on the beaches in my bikini but I feel really good and I've lost the baby weight and some. It's because of muay thai and kickboxing and finally feeling more in control of my body. It's an incredible feeling. If I get pregnant I  have to give up muay thai because its a crazy contact sport. I could still do kickboxing but obvously it wouldn't be as easy. Also when I moved to OC I didn't know anyone, I was a total loner and sad and lonley. I am so lucky that I've found a ton of mom friends that I hang out with all the time and truly like. I also have friends that aren't moms and I love being with them. I feel like I'm living my life and being me and not the crazy emo kid that first moved here and hated it. Life is hard in so many ways but I feel lucky in friendships. Not that being pregnant affects that in any way but it's nice to just be me for a bit and not big fat pregnant Jenn. I think some people will understand this and some won't. I want more babies, maybe a lot of them I dunno but right now I need a bit of a break even if it's just for a few months. Maybe this is selfish but I feel like living here I never got to have my own life and now I do and I enjoy it. Mom life is awesome but I think it's important to also be just Jenn. I want Olive to know I have a life too and I'm not just a mom but I'm a daughter, a friend, a wife, and that I have things outside of mom life. I dunno I guess for me the balance is important. Ahhh if I only I was a few years younger and I could wait a bit more. Damn you 30's

I didn't mean to rant tonight and I'm sure it came sounding all sorts of wacky but whatever. I'm going on night 4 of no sleep. I don't know what is wrong with me but sleeping has been near impossible. I drank a big ol sake at dinner and I'm hoping it will help me to turn my brain off a bit.

As always a big photo dump.

olive the monkey.

crazy hair.

udon.

spicy tuna wrapped in albacore and topped with tempura. perfect.

silly grandma and grandpa.

location scouting for a shoot sunday. i love that my parents told me about this place. they are good scouts!

i believe in ghosts

So apparently my house is haunted. This morning I woke up and heard Olive calling out for me so  I clicked on the monitor and saw her standing. I rolled over and shut my eyes for a few minutes in hopes that my mom would hear her and get her. She has been amazing about getting her and letting me stay in bed for a little bit longer. So it was silent and I assumed my mom got her so I rolled over to go back to sleep and then I hear Olive calling my name again which I thought was weird cause usually when my mom gets her she jumps around and laughs. So I click on the monitor and it's totally bright in the room and it's in color (you can only see color in daylight so the blinds have to be open) so I figured she is in there just opening up the blinds. Again I lay back down and a few minutes later I hear her calling me again so I click on the monitor and it's dark in there and she is still standing. So I get up and go in there and grab her and bring her out to the living room where my mom is just getting up. I ask her if she went in there and she said no. So someone opened the blinds. My mom thought I was nuts and said it was just the light coming in and out but I think it was a ghost. I guess this ghost wants me up early.


Anyways more photos then I promise to get back to real blogging and updates.

sad face.

bouncing cousins.

dads and babes.

I have an amazing vintage scarf collection but I need to learn how to wear them so it doesn't feel like my 15 year old hardcore days where I wore bandannas.

Olive and Bailey.

My mom and I took Olive to Rainforest cafe. She was not a fan. The animals are crazy scary and loud and the food is gross. I think Olive is going to share my fear for chain restaurants and mediocre food.

but they have a photobooth so that kinda rules.

so all this muay thai talk and this is what i do. ok not all the time, it's mostly training but here I am "sparing" with my instructor.

shakes and silly faces from grandma.

organizing sugar.

getting my hair did and my big ugly knee bumps from soccer.

a quick happy hour/taco dinner with Tamar.

water baby

Geez I'm really failing on updates here. I'm gonna do a massive photo dump and hopefully get back to normal blogging in the next few weeks. Life has been busy and my mind has been filled with lots of random shit but as always I have a billion photos to post.......

lifeproof iphone case is kinda the best thing ever.

hats in target.

She prefers to sit up high to pee. On this particular day she went three times!

carpet surfing.

blake and olive=twins

duke is like 400 pounds of dog and I don't think he even noticed Olive was on him.

sippy cup fight.

mad face.

kisses.

helping sonia bounce.

more kisses.

dads and babes in the bounce house.