Thursday, May 1, 2014


I just hobbled through my house and realized it's possible my living conditions are unsafe.Gross!!! I mean my house is dirty and not like a few dishes in the sink like filthy dirty. Sticky and straight up nasty. It smells too. Obviously I can't keep up and Blake has been working all day only to come home and work till super late at night. Trying to take deep breathes and ignore the filth since I physically can't do a damn thing. 
Poor Otto came down with croup. Yesterday was rough for him as he was fighting a fever all day. Last night was long and he was in and out of our bed. I feel awful for him. He sounds all raspy and now the snot is a flowing. I can't remember the last time I slept and today I'm feeling it. I'm grumpy and so so tired. I'm having insane mom guilt over Olive missing dance tonight as there is no way I can bring Otto there sick. I so wish I had two of me. I want my leg back so bad. I have an xray on Monday and I'm so anxious to see the progress. I have some weird bone sticking up in the middle of my foot that is causing me some major pain. No idea what it is but I'm a little concerned. I've accepted the fact that Costa Rica is going to be tricky but at least I will only have to take care of myself. I was also supposed to go to palm springs this weekend but with the kids being sick I feel awful leaving them but I also think I need a day away. It's been weeks of being home and maybe a day away would feel good. I'm trying so hard to keep my head up. I got into a full panic last night and again all my brothers words pulled me out of it. I started playing the victim and becoming insanely negative. I don't want to be like that. This is all temporary and I need to focus on getting better not feeling sorry for myself. 

On to other things. Otto almost took a step on Tuesday. It was so close. I was sitting with my friend and he stood up and lifted his foot and we both saw it and then he hesitated and sat down. He is so close. I'm just hoping he will do it before we leave for Costa Rica but I'm guessing he may save this milestone for grandma. He's having a hell of a time running yes running with the walker and shopping cart so maybe he's cool with that. He's decided that everything is a cat. I mostly like when he looks right at Sierra and says cat. I don't actually know if he knows what a cat is but he repeats it over and over. His two top teeth are in and he looks adorable. Totally changes the way he looks. He loves his sister so so much and they are really having fun with eachother. She wakes up every morning and asks to play with him. She tortures him a lot of the time but he doesnt seem to mind as long as she is giving him attention. 
Olive has been a champ. She has her moments but she has been such a big help. She does everything for me. Sometimes she acts like a 12 year old and it's so hard for me to remember she is only 3 because she is so damn smart. When my foot is better she is getting some seriously one on one attention. She deserves it! 

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