Hello Hello

In two days I will be 20 weeks. Seriously flying by. Finally I feel like my belly is an appropriate size which doesn't make it easier to fit into clothes but at least I don't feel like I need to hide it cause I'm massive. I've been feeling good/the same. I feel pretty excited this time around. I mean not that I wasn't excited for Olive but I was sooooo nervous and anxious about everything that being excited was seriously the last thing on my mind. I hated when people would ask me if I was just so excited to meet Olive. I mean duh of course but I was 45 pounds heavier and a human was about to come out of my vagina so fear and anxiety was actually a more appropriate feeling. But this time I feel like I know what to expect, I mean for the most part. I know its going to hurt but I also know I can do it and in the end I get to meet this little human and that's pretty darn cool. The little guys room is slowing coming together. Last weekend we moved out all the crap that was left in there and started a bit of organizing. So much more to get done but I will wait for my mom to help with that. She is the queen of organizing and lists and keeping my pregnancy brain in check. I'm excited to get the room all cute and boyish. I kinda thought I wouldn't need a lot of things but my list for this little guy keeps growing but I have to say money aside I'm excited. Oh and I think we have a name. Well at least first name.  I mean we haven't 100% decided but I'm pretty sure. We have only shared it with a few people and I think we will keep it this way for now. I hate when people call the kid by its name before it is even born. I don't know why but it makes me feel all awkward and uncomfortable. I guess cause the name is so special that I want to save it till the day he is born. For now he is baby herman and I'm cool with that since that is the name Olive choose for him. If you ask her what his real name is she will tell you but normally she will just refer to him as baby Herman. 

We've been pretty busy this last week with playdates and activities which has been fun and made the week fly by. The weather has been super warm so the motivation to get out has definitely been there. Olive has still had some trouble sleeping and we kinda just don't know what to do anymore so just hanging in there and hoping we can get through this soon. She hasn't really gone to sleep without tears the last week at all and she has ended up in our bed every night/morning at some point. I've tried to talk to her about why she won't sleep in her bed but I can't really get a straight answer. She told us she was scared so we put a night light on and she said that helped but she just keeps saying she wants to sleep with mommy and daddy. We got her a new mattress the other day and we are waiting for her frame to get her so she was really excited about having a big bed like us. She got to help pick out the mattress so she was pretty pumped on that. She said that would help her sleep better. Then today she told me she was cold so tonight we have extra blankets on the bed. I don't know if she is just talking or telling me the truth. Not that she is lying but sometimes she just likes to talk so it's hard to tell what is real and what is just talk. It's mostly just frustrating and selfishly when she goes to bed this is supposed to adult time. I mean after a full day of being on it's nice to just have her asleep and happy and let us relax. I mean is that too much to ask. I guess a parents job really is never done. So I'm hoping that her new bed will be a game changer and she will finally get to sleep! 

olive and kylie watching the goats. 

ladies. 

this is how olive does ballet. 

we went to some free event and olive got to meet these two. happy kid. 

they made telescopes out of paper and went on a treasure hunt. it was adorable. 

i made a chocolate beet cake. 

oc mart mix had a family fun day with a photo booth. 

olive got her face painted. 

this screams out 3rd birthday party. 

a little skate and scooter. 

adventure to the san diego zoo. 

she saw real panda bears but talked about the "panda bear with the red bow" all day. 

my favorite thing of the day was the polar bears. i want to spoon the crap out them. 

the fake animals are always way more exciting. 

she walked straight up and pulled at it's junk. 

and a trip to san diego is not complete without a stop at pokez for a tofu burrito. 

 

morning outfit. 

park time with gabriel. 

more goats. 

the goat is smiling right?

drumming with sticks. 

naps on the couch cause she refused her bed BUT she slept for over 2 hours so its all good! 

19 weeks #2

I'm almost to the half way point which makes it even more real than ever. I feel pretty normal and my energy is really good these days (besides when my toddler won't sleep) I had my gender ultrasound yesterday and it is officially a boy. Everything looked perfect except they couldn't see something in the heart. The tech and dr explained to me that the heart is so small that sometimes its just too early to see everything and that it doesn't mean it isn't normal. It all sounded like a big jumble of words when they were talking to me and all I could focus on is something wasn't right but from what I can remember they talked about not seeing all the valves. When they asked the question if anyone in our family was born with a hole in their heart or a heart condition I almost lost my shit. They never told me anything was wrong but they said I should come back in a few weeks just so they can double check. I'm still confused. I cried and I spent most of yesterday freaking out but honestly my gut tells me my baby is fine. Everything else is healthy and his heart beats perfectly. So for the next 4 weeks I will wait and wonder and stress until I really know. Unfortunately Blake had to take Olive out of the room because she totally lost her shit and was having a full meltdown so he didn't get to hear everything which pisses me off since he would have understood. So here is to getting through a speedy four weeks and hoping that everything is right where it should be.

Catching up.......

not so clear view of la. top of the observatory. 

hollywood sign. for 3 years i loved right below this, funny to think that. 

olive the dog walker. 

walks with tamar and lola. 

juice and princess everything. 

chilly scooter rides around the block. 

masterpiece. 

we have a perfectly comfortable couch but the floor is an interesting choice too. 

weekly hot chocolate. 

she moved her chair away from me to eat her snacks. it was one of those days. 

i made bread. super easy and really delicious. 

love her curls. 

anniversary date at lacma. 7 years!!!

so much fun to play in. we specifically went to see the kubrick work but this was really cool. 

coffee cheers. 

fancy desserts. 

first time bowling. 

throwing a large ball is always fun. 

bowling followed by greasy delicious mexican food is a perfect way to spend a sunday. 

freezing days and ice cream dates. 

baby herman (not his real name)

night night beauty. 

guarding blakes churro and borrowing a few bites. 

she was finally big enough to go on the roller coaster. she loved it!

bad bad idea. 

goofy surprised her on the slide. 

the weather finally warmed up and we were very pleased! 

under blanket tea parties. 

park time.