So I peed on a stick.......: 4th of july

Red, white, and blue was worn. Sparklers were lit. Beer and hot dogs were eaten. Friends and family were all around. And jobs were lost. Ya Blake got laid off the day before the 4th, you know so his company could send his job off to someone who could get paid less. Go America! So ya it's been interesting around here to say the least. He is in good spirits, I mean we all are. Life is funny sometimes and we're just taking each day at a time and trying to figure out the next step, the bigger and better step. It's shitty as no one wants to lose their job with a brand new kid and a family and especially with no savings but on the positive side its a fresh start, a chance for something bigger and better. We're enjoying our family time and staying pretty positive that this was just meant to be. It puts everything into perspective for sure and you truly realize what is important and that really is this little family of mine and nothing else. Oh and health insurance thats pretty important and honestly the only thing I was worried about when I heard the news. But this husband of mine has been working like a crazy man trying to find work and its only been a week. He's already had a few freelance jobs and interviews. I don't tell him enough but I'm so proud of him and what he does for this family. In the meantime enjoying some family time is pretty amazing although I'm guessing Blake being home all day might have something to do with how hard he is looking for a job. He may have realized that this stay at home mom business is no joke. So cheers to new beginnings and wherever they lead us in this crazy life.

This week has already been filled with boring appointments and getting shit done. Today Olive and Otto both had doctor appointments. It was brutal, Olive almost drove me to tears she was so mean. The last week has been hard for her. I don't know why its getting worse but she is pissed and rebelling like never before. She won't listen to me and I don't even know what to do. In public she knows she can take advantage of that and she does. She will just ignore me and keep on doing whatever I tell her not to. I'm at a loss really. She actually hit me a few times today which is a new thing. When she plays with her friends she is pretty nasty too. It's a rough age I know but I don't want that to be an excuse for the behavior. I've approached it in every way, super calm and then mean. Both ways don't work. The calm approach makes her ignore me and the angry approach makes her have a full on temper tantrum. It's been tricky and it puts a lot of stress on me. I feel like by 9am I'm already beyond exhausted. At the dr Olive had to get two shots. Not a happy kid. I can't blame her, shots suck but she was so so sad. The sound of her and Otto (who was now hungry) crying at the same time was a real treat. I was pretty much walking birth control for anyone in that building without kids. Otto has this funny split in his butt crack. I never really thought much of it till Blake pointed it out one day. I decided to ask the dr and she suggested getting an ultrasound on it to make sure its not spina bifita. I did a quick google search and decided to stop myself as worrying over something I have no control over is a lost cause. Guess that should be my new motto these days, all things considered. So we will get the ultrasound and go from there and hope he just has a funny little crack that will go away when he grows. Again thank god our insurance is good till the end of this month. On a happy note the kid hasn't missed a meal. He is already 10.4 pounds and 21.5 inches long at a month old. I love this little chunker so much. He has started to smile and laugh at me and it's the cutest thing you ever did see. I hope he is sweet to me forever and always wants to cuddle up on my chest.

My insides are still recovering and just when I thought I was going to be able to maybe start going on walks I started to bleed again. I feel like my uterus is just going to fall out. I actually feel like I did the first week after birthing, nothing has healed. It's awful. The only way to heal is to rest and I can't do that. How do people with two do this?? If I could do it again I would have had my mom stay for 2 weeks and just lay in bed. I know that sound dramatic but I think I needed that. The first time I remember taking awhile to feel normal but by 4 weeks I think I felt normal. I know this time I have scar tissue and I'm older and it was a different birth but its awful. Walking like 2 blocks actually makes me beyond uncomfortable and when I pick up Olive I want to scream. I needed more help this time around and its my fault for not asking for it. I just feel broken inside. I want to feel amazing and start getting into shape. My mom belly is not a cute look and I'm ready to get skinny! (sidenote: I just ate 12 mint oreos. fuck.)

I'm still trying to manage having two and figuring it all out. We sure take long to get out of the house and some days I just feel like I am going to be late for everything. Some mornings I just can't put Otto down. He isn't a super fussy baby but any means but when he wants to be held he makes that pretty clear. I don't mind as I can do a lot holding him except take a shower and get dressed, still trying to figure out how to do that. I will in time, I did with Olive and I will with him. I'm just learning to give myself plenty of time so I'm not stressed. Outings are still tricky and we still keep it pretty simple. I've started to carry Otto in my wraps and ergo which will make getting out easier for us. I feel I can keep tabs on Olive a bit better when I have my hands free. I'm hoping to get more adventurous as he gets older and get back to our normal go go go life. That and figure out how to do the beach alone with the two of them.

My photos are in a wacky order......