Wednesday, July 10, 2013

maybe david sedaris is right

I'm currently reading the new David Sedaris book, "Let's explore diabetes with owls." I'm only a few chapters in but I'm loving it. I was almost peeing myself when I read this.

“Never would they have blindly defended me or even asked for my side of the story, as that would have put me on the same level as the adult. If a strange man accused you of doing something illegal, you did it. Or you might as well have done it. Or you were at least thinking about doing it. There was no negotiating, no ‘parenting’ the way there is now. All these young mothers chauffeuring their volcanic three-year-olds through the grocery store. The child’s name always sounding vaguely presidential, and he or she tends to act accordingly. ‘Mommy hears what you’re saying about treats,’ the woman will say, ‘but right now she needs you to let go of her hair and put the chocolate-covered Life Savers back where they came from.’ ‘No!’ screams McKinley or Madison, Kennedy or Lincoln or beet-faced baby Reagan. Looking on, I always want to intervene. ‘Listen,’ I’d like to say, ‘I’m not a parent myself, but I think the best solution at this point is to slap that child across the face. It won’t stop its crying, but at least now it’ll be doing it for a good reason.’ I don’t know how these couples do it, spend hours each night tucking their kids in, reading them books about misguided kittens or seals who wear uniforms, and then rereading them if the child so orders. In my house, our parents put us to bed with two simple words: ‘shut up.’”

Before people get all huffy puffy I don't condone child abuse or anything of that nature. I don't hit my kid but I mean this is so me, I'm that mom. I just spent the last hour trying to calm Olive because she was in hysterics about me taking the ipad away from her before her 3 min was up (the fact that she negotiated those three min with me makes me wanna kick myself) She woke Otto up and I was pissed so I sent her to bed. It was not pretty at all.  I "parent" very calm and I generally don't raise my voice. There are times I yell and scream but I try not to be that parent. But considering the way she has been the last two days something needs to change. While I don't want her to fear me I want her to respect me so its a fine line. She is way too smart for her own good. I'm not even sure there is a solution or the best way to parent but man oh man am I struggling with this. I will probably never have all the answers and I will manage to screw her up somehow but can we please just make it to three without me needing xanax??!!

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