Monday, April 2, 2012

too much blabbing

Oh man refinishing furniture is such a good idea to talk about but actually doing it is insane. It's been a week now and I'd say we are about half way done. I thought it would take a few days but I was so so wrong. Painting is a much bigger task than I expected but I am excited to see the end result. Tonight I painted alone while Blake caught up on some retouching work he took on as a side job. Luckily I was still in a good mood from my 2 vodka gimlets I had with dinner but I felt like I was in there for hours and got only a tiny bit done. I'm hoping tomorrow we can get a good chunk done at Olive's naptime and then again when she goes to bed and maybe we can have it done by next week. Not having a kitchen table is getting a bit old.

This weekend has been strange and slow. It's cold and icky out which kinda puts a weird feel into the day. I usually go to kickboxing on saturday but today I was all moody and periody so I didn't want to deal with bouncing around feeling icky so I stayed home. We lazied around and didn't do much till the later afternoon when we ran a few errands and met up with Blake's dad and brother Cameron for a yummy dinner. Dinner was crazy fun and Olive was on a wild terror but it was pretty funny. She decided to scream and run around like a total crazy person. She is normally wild but this kinda took the cake to the most wild night ever. We were shoved in a corner booth so she wasn't disturbing anyone. Our little vegan decided that she wanted to eat a million bites of Cameron's steak. She kept asking him for more. Normally she won't touch meat and barely eats chicken so this was pretty big for her. By the end of dinner she was covered in water, food, ranch dressing smeared on her hair, and spilled an entire cup of water on Blake's dad. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to have a kid that sits in a high chair calmly. It was funny and we all had a great time. Cameron has been so sweet and taking us out to dinner lately. It makes me feel bad that we can't return the favor but we so appreciate it. We get so spoiled with yummy food and drinks and good company. I have my days where I wonder how I can live in OC and keep up with everyone here and then I have to kick myself and realize this is who we are and this is our life and we are so lucky no matter what. Just cause I can't afford fancy clothes, a nice car, or pretty furniture it's ok. I know it's not about keeping up with anyone but for me it's more about what I want. Obviously not need as I am so lucky that I am able to have everything I need but sometimes I get angry and frustrated as to why we can't get it together and why we have to struggle so much. I worry so much about the future. Right now Olive has no clue, she gets fed, has clothes, and love. She doesn't need anything else, the kid is happy playing with the ants outside. I think about in a few years when she has to go to school and what we are going to do, how we are going to afford it. Then I hear about my friends talking about saving for college and I get this pit in my stomach. College???? We can't even afford to put $20 in savings for us a month how the hell can we think about college? The credit card debt and living expenses is just too overwhelming and I just want to start over and have no debt and make like a millions and millions of dollars. I know Olive will always have what she needs, we always find a way and we are lucky to both have parents that would do anything in the world for this kid but I want everything and more for her and of course for us too. Blake and I haven't touched credit cards for years now and I'm so proud of us for that, we've managed to live just with cash (debit cards) and make it work but of course we have debt that we can't quite figure out what to do with. I get sad cause Blake works so so so hard at his job and sometimes I feel like he is too good for it like he should be making triple the amount he is now. Sometimes I want to scream cause it's not far. We both worked out asses off in school and slaved away at shit jobs forever and sometimes I feel like it didn't totally pay off. I don't count since I'm not working but it's hard for me to watch people that have worked hard be so far ahead and then feel like Blake has done the same thing and is still not where I think he should be. I am so thankful for his job and it is a good one but I do think he is better than it. I've never told him this and I'm actually not sure he reads my entire posts so  he may never know but sometimes it drives me mad. Once a month I get all venty and annoyed at everything. Totally hormones and blabbing about it on here really helps.

This post is now a few days old and I'm much better. Our Sunday ended up being really nice as we headed to Knotts Berry Farm and wandered around for a few hours. Olive didn't really want to go on any rides so we saw a show and ate lunch. It was nice and the weather was perfect. We bbq'd that night at it was lovely. Summer is for sure in the air and that makes me happy! Olive tried shrimp for the first time and loved it, she also ate corn on the cob for the second time. I seriously love watching her eat and try new things. She has been a little more anti vegetable lately but eventually she eats what we tell her even if we have to bribe her a little with getting in the bath. Whatever works I guess. This week is supposed to be warm so we've already been out for a walk this morning and spent the afternoon playing in the backyard in the pool. I have a million photos to post but will do that in another post that is less ranty.

Also can we just talk about pinterest for a second?? I'm a big fan of it and I use it all the time but it seriously stresses me out like no other. I see so many pretty things that I want and are so out of my reach that I think it ends up making me feel more like shit. I pin all these pretty clothes I want, and stuff for my house and I've never once actually bought anything. I do use the recipes and house inspiration for my projects which is why I still use it but it's so hard to see so many pretty things that are right there and you can't have. I know its lame and if it really bothered me I would just stop going on it but I keep thinking one day I will just order the cute shirt I pin or the awesome dish towels for my kitchen. Is that just so lame?? I think the bottom line is I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Bla bla bla...........

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