1 week old

When you talk babies with people all they can talk about is their birth and the pain and the bla bla bla. Um why the hell don't people mention how hard it is to be a parent? I keep hearing it gets easier as time goes on but shit this is hard work. I've been driving myself nuts with deciding on how I want to breastfeed, how to pacify, co- sleeping, and all those lovely things. I've gotten some amazing advice from people and read a ton about everything but in the end all babies are different so what works for one person may not work for Olive. I've established breastfeeding and feel confident about it although she is a very sleepy feeder. I've pulled out every trick in the book to keep her awake and I'm sure in time she will get better. She LOVES the boob and not just to eat but to pacify. After a big feeding she will flail around like she is starving and looking for my boob. I resisted giving it to her for a few days but lately I'm thinking it might be best just to let her have it and become soothed.

I've been reading a ton about eating on demand and I don't quite know if its for me. I like structure but I'm also open for a little wiggle room so I'm just trying to find my balance with that. Of course the most important thing is that she is getting enough food but I also want her to be happy. The first few days were really hard just trying to get the hang of it and dealing with chapped nipples but luckily they have healed and I'm slowly finding my groove.

We were having troubles with nights. She had no interest in going to sleep and would just cry and cry. The only thing that would soothe her was boob and she ended up sleeping on our bed which we had never intended on. It was great for feeding since I would literally roll over but I was so worried we would roll over her. We have a co- sleeper and I was really hoping to get her in that but the first few nights she wasn't having it. Talk about frusterating. I tried not to get frustrated but you cant help but just meltdown at that point. I know its totally first time parenting things but at 1am when you have a screaming newborn you can't calm down nothing matters but how awful and helpless you feel. I had a nice talk with Blakes cousin yesterday who has a little one a few months older and she reassured me it gets easier. She gave me some great tips and things that worked for her. So last night at bed time we put her in a really tight swaddle, turned her on her side, and shhhhhhh'd the crap out of her. Thank you Happiest Baby on the Block. Fucking genius! We had watched the dvd before Olive was born but it honestly doesn't make sense till you have a screaming baby. We also added some white noise since a few people have suggested that and it worked like a charm. She was out and I actually had to wake her 3 hours later for a feeding. I've read you can let them go 4 hours at nightime but I figured my body woke me up for a reason so I might as well feed. So after that feeding we did the 3 s's and she went back to sleep. Its incredible. She would start to move around a little bit so I put the white noise closer and a bit louder and that calmed her right back to sleep. I sooooo hope this works tonight. It felt so good to get a solid few hours of sleep. Of course everyday is different so we'll see.

Besides all the newborn worries we are having so much fun with her. When she is awake she is so alert and looks all around with her big blues eyes. She scans the house and looks at everything. She smiles all the time. I have no idea why people say newborns can't smile. She makes the funniest faces ever. Sometimes I just stare at her and wonder how the hell she fit in my belly. All her little twitches totally make sense now and her hiccups. Its just insane. I am so excited to see what she will do everyday and even in a week how much she has changed. And now for more photos..

Olive Francis Sinclair

She is here! So much to write about and way too many photos to post. Olive was born on September 23, 2010 at 1:22 pm. 7 pounds 9 ounces and 19 inches. She is absolutely perfect and I can't stop staring at her. The last few days have been insane trying to figure it all out but wow what an experience. I can't wait to share my birth story and a million other things but for now random photos.......

is it time yet?

** I thought this was kinda cool to post. I was writing it in bed the night I went into my birthing time. I forgot to post it but its pretty funny and it was the real deal.

I'm laying in bed now. Can't sleep and having some pretty intense birthing waves. I don't know if its the real deal or not but I'm mentally timing them right now. If I have two more ill start writing them down or using my app on my Droid. I don't want to wake Blake yet. I figure he needs some sleep. I had a appt with my midwife today. She took my blood pressure and it was pretty high so she had me lay down and then took it again. It came up totally normal so she told me I have to rest. Its not officially bedrest but I'm not supposed to do much. I've been taking it pretty easy lately but I definitely don't lay down all day. I'm way too ansy but ill manage. Otherwise, the appointment went well. Funny thing when I was laying there she told me I was having a contraction. Except I couldn't feel it. I think I've kinda blocked out all the little aches and pains cause I knew they were nothing. So hoping these are the real deal and its go time but well see. It may just be a false alarm but it is a full moon!!

39 weeks

Well almost, technically thursday is 39 weeks but its close enough. Last night I felt different,I can't explain how or why but I just did. I've had a pretty constant cramping since last night. Its not painful at all just an uncomfortable constant cramp. I hope that means something is happening in there. Still not sleeping but I have a surprising amount of energy. I walked outside this am and it felt like fall and I immediately got happy. Summer has been really mild here but I am ready for some cool weather. My mom is coming down again to join me for my midwife appt which will be nice. Then I think we are going to bake cause that is what I've been doing every day. Its totally been my form of nesting. My mood has been a billion times better. I swear venting helped. I got the nicest phone calls and emails from friends yesterday. A few read the blog so I think they were making sure I wasn't gonna go off the deep end but then there are those other friends that just sense things. I dunno I can't explain it. Everyone has those friends that just call at the perfect moment. Yesterday my friends came through on that one. Wow I miss everyone!

Ok think birthing thoughts for me, I'm soooo ready!

poop and cookies

I keep thinking I am going to wake up to my water breaking, I have no idea why but I keep having this vision of it happening. But then again the reality is my water probably won't break on its own since my moms didn't and according to my doula you birth like your mom. I actually kinda want it to break, I think it would be interesting to see what it feels like.

Last night was a pretty shitty nights sleep. I know I did sleep cause I had some weird ass dreams about changing a babies diaper. This time the baby was actually a girl (every time I dream of a baby its a boy) and she was really tall and my mom told me I had to change her diaper but I had never done it before so I was so confused cause she kept moving around and there was massive amounts of poop. I dunno it was gross but I think it just goes along with my fear that I've actually never changed a diaper. All of my dreams that involve a baby have included changing a diaper as the main goal of the dream. What is wrong with me? Maybe its cause I always have to pee at night? So ya sleeping last night sucked. Usually I can at least fall asleep but I couldn't even do that. I listened to two of my hypnobabies tracks and those didn't even relax me which is very strange cause I can usually pop one of those on and I will be out. Maybe it was the 15 cookies I ate before bed?? I was in my baking mode yesterday and I'm sure it will continue today.

monday

I'm happy its monday, normally I hate mondays cause its the start of the week but I'm taking this monday to start fresh. Last week was a weird week in so many ways. First off I felt like total shit, I was emotionally a mess, I kept fighting with Blake, were infested with spiders, and a billion other things mostly emotional depression type shit. I'm not a depressed person (although anyone following my blog might think otherwise) I'm actually the one person I think my friends would always say is happy, upbeat, and pretty much always looking on the positive bright side of things. I hate that I find myself the complete opposite of that these days. I know I know hormones, life changes, bla bla bla but seriously how can I get over this? My biggest fear is the dreaded PPD. I never really understood what PPD was till I read about it and realized that I could totally fall into this considering how things are in my head and how depressed and upset and crazy my life has been in the last few months. I guess it kinda scared me but it also made me aware so this is why I need to snap out of it now. There are things in my life I can change and others that I just need to accept and deal with. I've always been able to understand and handle those two things but for some reason I can't now.

One thing I can't get out of my head are my bills. I am freaking out about my credit card bills. I am $20,000 in debt. Talk about being fucked! I have always been able to deal with my debt and pay my bills on time, but without shooting its nearly impossible! It is what it is but the problem is I got my last paycheck the other day and that will cover me for one more month. After that nothing unless my stock photo company makes a massive sale (which trust me I am hoping for). If I was working it would be ok but since I will not be working for at least 2 months there is no way a magical check will come in. So in this case its like how do I manage this stress? How can I deal with something that I can't control? The credit card companies don't give a shit and Blake has enough bills to worry about. I can't just leave them and not pay them. Blake has a lot of student loans and because of this his credit is bad, so I have to keep mine good. I think everyone in the world deals with debt so I know I'm not alone but I guess I just haven't figured out how I am going to handle this and not freak out.

Ok now these spiders. Seriously never in my life have I seen so many critters in one house. You could throw me in a random spot in my house and give me a few seconds and I promise I could find you a spider or two. Yesterday was kinda the breaking point. I was getting dressed and noticed a massive (I swear it was huge) spider on my sweater so I screamed for Blake who took the sweater outside. Ok kinda gross but the real pisser was it made a home in the sweater, like a full on elaborate spider web. It was beyond gross. Its one thing to see them in the corners but in my clothes is where I draw the line. Then last night as we were watching tv one just cruised across the carpet. This is a normal thing. They aren't little tiny things, they are good sized creepy crawlers. I kill a good share each day, some are little and don't bother me at all but some are really gross and juicy and make me wanna vomit. This is all in the house by the way. The backyard is a whole other story. National Geographic should spend a day here. So I want to exterminate and Blake thinks I'm nuts. I've done the research and there are "green" exterminators and also things you can buy online that are dog and baby friendly. I have no idea if they work or not but I'd be willing to try. I got rid of ants without using toxic stuff. Ok I sprayed raid once but it freaked me out so much I hid the can. Otherwise I used all these hippy sprays and little stick things. But they are pretty gone (at least for now) so I know its possible. I just don't want the baby hanging out with spiders all over the floor, I don't know what is poisonous or not. I'm not crazy for wanting to get rid of them right? Today I'm taking my dust buster in every corner or this house and starting from there. I guess this is nesting.....

My last vent are my emotions. I was emailing with a friend this week about pregnancy and how everyone expects you to feel a certain way about being pregnant, about the baby, and just a general outlook when in reality this is a really scary time. It was like she was reading my thoughts and knew just how I felt. Sometimes people just being honest and real about things really help. Of course I'm happy that Blake and I are having a baby but right now I'm mostly freaked out. I've talked about this early on but it happened a lot faster than we anticipated so it was a bit shocking. Then the move flipped my entire world upside down and I was in a place where I found myself lonely and bored. I never resented the baby or would ever but it wasn't and isn't easy and I found myself sad a lot of the time. I'm just being honest. Being pregnant is scary. Does it make me unfit to be a parent because I'm not jumping up and down with excitement for this baby or that I tell people I hate being pregnant? Of course things will change when she is born and I see her face and she is really ours but right now its hard to love or care for something that is just kicking away at you and you know nothing about. I'm not a emotionless person by any means I just think the reality for me is that being pregnant and changing your life is way scarier than people make it out to be.

These were just thing things that kept me up in the middle of the night, my little check list of vents are done for the day and I feel much better putting them out there so I can move on and enjoy my day (aka dust busting my house)

Rosemary Olive Oil Cake

I mentioned the other day that I was going to bake in order to keep sane. It worked and I discovered how much I love rosemary and chocolate together. Plus I love using things from my garden. My next mission is using basil and some sort of sweet.......

This is the recipe I followed. The only thing I might do different next time is change up the chocolate. I used 72% chocolate (in baking bar form) and I think next time I'll try something a bit lighter and sweeter.

Too fat for spandex

Never thought that was possible but I looked down today at my leggings that I wear almost every day and they are ripped. My fat ass totally tore them. Way to make a pregnant girl feel really fat, geez. Oh well I think I am going to be living in my old navy sweat pants till I have this baby. Haven't really snapped out of feeling crappy. Still nauseous and icky feeling. I've been having weird indigestion which wakes me up and keeps me from sleeping. Last night it kept me up so I just sat up in bed for a bit then went to the kitchen to eat saltines and gingerale at about 4am. It seemed to help so I went back to sleep. I feel like a zombie today but I have nothing to do so its not a big deal. Watching tons of cooking shows and I'm pretty sure there could be some churros in my future.

Belly shots for 38 weeks. It ain't pretty......

38 weeks

Ok this nauseous thing is annoying. I can deal with the aches and pains but when you can't quite get over that feeling of wanting to puke its really annoying. Its hard to eat anything but at the same time its the only thing that helps. I managed to eat cottage cheese and strawberries this am followed by cereal. I should have an egg but I didn't feel like throwing up. Lovely morning blog huh? I'm thinking I might have to resort to ginger ale for breakfast like I did in the first trimester.

My mom came down for a few days to keep me company which has been good to keep my mind off feeling crappy. Since I'm not really supposed to be venturing out alone it helps cause we can run around and keep semi busy (at least till I get tired which is pretty quickly). I have another midwife appt today. At this point its all pretty standard and quick. I get weighed, measured, and then we talk a bit. Just a big waiting game now......

So everyone keeps talking about the due date and when she will be here. My mother in law is thinking the 23rd or the 25th. My mom said she thinks I have about a week and a half left which I guess would be the 25th ish. I have no idea, as shitty as I feel I still think I have a little bit of time left. Obviously out of my control but I would have no problem is she came next week a few days early!

The room

The babies room is complete! I still need a pop of color somewhere (without painting) but I doubt she is going to mind. So we'll see if that happens. Most likely she won't even sleep in there for at least 6 months. I also shot a few cute clothes that I'm loving right now. The amount of clothes is kinda outta control but seriously when everything is super small and adorable its hard to resist.







What every girl needs, mini punk rock jackets. Can you see the chihuahua pin?




And of course a Cynthia Rowley dress from Ashley and Steve!



And more cuteness......





The closet

Baby Art

Just got our final piece of art for the babies room. How cute is this.



This will go right above the crib next to another piece we got at the Renegade Art Fair. Blake should be hanging them tonight so I will post some photos.

I am in love with all of the work on fall down tree, its super nursery friendly. If we had more wall space I would totally order more. The llama is by far my favorite.







All the work is for sale on etsy.

Cuz

Just got news that my cousin Lacey is pregnant! So happy for her and Jordan. How cute is this family?



Also a few of our not so responsible nights out in NY.I think our days of shotgunning beers are over. At least for a little while......
(ps my hair isn't greasy, that would be beer)

Lukewarm

Blake took this photo the other day in the car. Sierra has had just about enough of my belly taking over all her lap space.



Its only 9am and I'm trying to shake off this morning. Its far too early to be this grumpy but I am. I slept like shit and was having crazy cramping last night. The baby was moving around a lot last night but it felt really low like it was in my bladder and it actually hurt. Then on top of that I was super nauseous. I feel a little better this morning but still like I'm going to puke. I tried to take a bath last night and relax but there was an awful smell coming from my toilet. No there wasn't a poop or anything in it, its the water or something. It was so strong or at least it felt that way that I couldn't enjoy my bath. That and the drain is broken so it was draining. So I got out and cleaned the toilet, not exactly relaxing. Just wasn't a fun night. Then Blake and I got into an annoying talk which is still bothering me. I'm sure its just my overly sensitive hormones. I think there should be a place called pregnant island where you can go and sit on a hammock on a beach and get served cupcakes and milkshakes all day. That and massages every few hours. Yep I think I have the right idea.

Going to attempt to leave the house today. I got in my car yesterday and pulled out only to find they had blocked off the entire street to pave and there was no way out. So glad I wasn't giving birth or something. I just wanted to go to the market to get a few things so I could bake. Its the one thing I know will relax me. I'm not really supposed to be driving around alone but I figure a quick little trip to the market will be good for me.

Music has always been really important to me and this song has been playing over and over in my head the last few months. Jonah is by far my favorite musician in the world, anyone who knows me knows this and has been dragged to show after show. There is something about him and his music that has helped me in every single part of my life. Its incredibly honest and at times goofy which is the perfect mix for me. I thought this was the most appropriate version to post as there are 2 kids that get up at the end (I guess one is his goddaughter) Anyways, this song is about doing your own thing cause its what you want. It's not in a punk rock fuck you way its just about the way you wanna live your life. I think moving to suburbia and trying to fit into this suburban life has just made me think. Its not me. I'm not happy here and I don't think it has to be this way because its supposed to or because its the way a lot of people we know have done it. We all have our own version of happiness and what we want, how we want to raise our kids, etc and I'm definitely in that struggle now where I'm trying to figure it out.

Catch Up

I've neglected the blog for a few days so its time for a big ol catch up. Last week my mom came into town for 2 days. We were supposed to have our birthing rehearsal but it got moved till yesterday (more on that later) So Mom came with me to my midwife appt then we got lunch. We also went shopping for nursing bras. My first time in a maternity store! We ended up in a place called Destination Maternity. I think its part of those Pea in the Pod stores? I have to say it wasn't that awful. I'm really anti maternity clothing but there were a few cute things in there. I ended up finding a few great bras, a nursing shirt, and some cozy pj pants. Not gonna win hot wife of the year with these bras but they sure are cozy.




This weekend we got to meet baby Lily! The cutest little critter I've ever seen. It was so fun to see Andy and Lisa as parents. They were both so natural. I can't wait for our little ones to be able to play. It will be great when I can tell Lily stories about her dad, I have some good ones!! Starting with him peeing on my head when we were like 3......





Yesterday was our birthing rehearsal. It was just a big talk with my doula, Blake, and the moms about what to expect during the birth and how I want things to go. It really made things real, it was actually very exciting to talk about everything. I think it definitely helps with the whole fear thing. I know what I want and everyone around me is on the same page so it just makes me feel so calm. I can't believe at any time this little one could be here. I've had a few really good days where I haven't been too crampy or tired, probably cause I've been running around staying pretty active. At night I start to get crampy and that is when I tend to feel ick but its not super awful. I've been sleeping pretty good, I mean considering how massive I am. The new fun thing is drooling like crazy. It happened in the second trimester for a bit but now its back. My poor pillow. I think this late in the pregnancy is when you really see differences every single day. I still feel like I'm dropping, although I have dropped a lot I feel like I still have a ways to go. I do feel a ton of relief so I know its happening, just slowly.

baby carriers

I've been thinking about baby carriers today. I know I know my day is so exciting. We just placed an order for a baby bjorn but it won't be here for awhile cause Target screwed up and shipped it to an old LA address and now its on backorder. Stupid long story but eventually we will get it.



But I'm really thinking about getting a Moby but I can't tell if it will be too complicated for me and when I see people carrying their babies I always worry they will fall out. I like the idea of this when I'm doing little errands and not having to deal with a stroller. I know there are a billion brands out there like Moby. What do people use and like?



Ran around for a few hours doing errands and I actually feel pretty good. I haven't had any Braxton Hicks or cramps all day so that is a relief. Her kicks do hurt now since they are so strong but I don't mind as long as I know she is moving around in there. I've finally melted into the couch with a protein shake cause tennis is on. I love me some US Open. I can't wait to be able to play again. Blake and I got sorta obsessed with tennis a few years ago so we attempt to play. We are both really terrible at it but its still super fun.
I'm kinda sitting waiting by the phone for a call from a photo editor. She left me a message earlier about shooting two jobs in San Diego. I know I shouldn't do the jobs since I'm massive and could really have this baby at anytime but I can't turn them down especially since this mag pays pretty good. So I'm kinda in a shitty place and waiting for a call back to get the details. Blake has offered to help me with the shoots as long as they pay enough to make it worth it for him to take off work. In that case I know I would be fine, I would just need to shoot and direct which I can totally do with help, I hope. Ug so annoying I don't get work for months when I move here and then all of a sudden when I'm ready to have this baby things come in. So we'll see how intense the shoots are and hopefully they will work out and I won't give birth on set.

Phillip Toledano

I was so excited when I saw this post on What's the Jackonary today. He is a photographer/blogger who always has really good posts on photo things in NY. I couldn't let his blog go when I moved so when I saw the post today on photographer Phillip Tolendano I was so excited cause it was a baby project. If you are familiar with Phillip's work this is even more exciting cause he is an interesting guy with some good work.

The gallery is kinda strange, you have to click on the next photo in order to see it. The plate photo is by far my favorite (read the little text too, super funny). I love anything from a fathers perspective and especially someone that isn't a traditional photographer.

Check it out here

belly mapping

Thanks to a suggestion from a fellow mommy blogger (also a doula and hypnobabies instructor) I am now trying to map my belly in order to see where this critter is. The website is fascinating but at the same time the whole belly mapping is really overwhelming. So I've been carrying around this piece of paper and making marks on it and little notes. I really really hope she is in the right position but the fact that I'm feeling body parts across my belly button (that are not shoulders) makes me a little nervous. So time for visualizing her in the right position and doing all my other hypnobabies techniques to move her. I'm not going to freak myself out because she might still be moving and finding her spot. And for all I know she is in the correct position and I just can't figure out the difference between the body parts.

On friday we have our birth rehearsal. I'm not totally sure what that will entail but I am excited to prep myself a bit more and get as comfortable as I can with everything. I want to go into this birth with confidence and not a bit of fear so that I can have the best birth for me and the baby. Blake and both moms will be there too so it will be good for them to get more comfortable with all the terms we use and ideas that we have for this birth.

So last night we started the Perineal Massage. I know this is a really personal topic but since I had never heard of it before I figured I would talk about it. I feel like there are so many little things during pregnancy that people never mention cause they are too personal but the way I see it the more you know the less you fear. My friend who used Hypnobabies was the one who told me about this so at least when it came up in my classes I was prepared and had a little knowledge. The idea is basically to lube up the perineum (skin between the anus and vagina) so that you don't tear during birth. This is a really basic article about it but if you google it you can see videos too but its not rocket science so its pretty easy to do.
http://www.birthingnaturally.net/cn/technique/perineal.html
Unfortunately I can't quite bend my body to do it, I mean I can if I try but its uncomfortable so Blake gets the honors. I think a huge part of being pregnant and sharing it with your husband is letting go of any modesty that you have. Not that I was ever a super modest person but I think in order to get super comfortable you have to. At least this is my experience. I always joke that he will never be able to look at me the same but lets be honest, he's a guy and he will forget all the gross things that have happened during this time and hopefully only take them as beautiful natural things that happen during pregnancy. Right???
Anyways so back to the massage. I don't know if it actually works, I've read testimonials that say it helped but the way I see it, it can't really hurt. I guess during birth you can have the birth assistant doing the massage as well, using a compress with olive oil. According to my doula she thinks that is a very effective way to avoid tearing. I'm sure I will never look at olive oil the same way but we'll see if it works........

Happy Labor Day Weekend

Usually I try and go to bed pretty early but I've really been having trouble sleeping so I figure I would wait till I was really really tired to crawl into bed. Had a really nice relaxing weekend! On sunday my friend Kristin treated me to the most fabulous lunch and massage. Seriously the best day ever. We went to the Bowers museum where they have a really cute cafe. I don't know much about the Bowers but it was super packed so we'll have to go back with baby. Yay for culture in the OC! Then we made our way to Glen Ivy in Brea. Another adventure as I had never been to Brea before. Oh my gosh the massage was so relaxing. Laying in a nest pillows with yummy smells and being rubbed is the best thing ever. The spa is really nice and has a wonderful place to sit and relax, a hot tub (not for preggers) and these amazing showers which I took full advantage of. They shoot out from three places. Magical! After that we got some coffee and wandered around Baby Gap. I finally got my iced latte fix. We came back to my house and chatted the night away till Blake got home and we realized it was dinner time. Kristin and I tend to blab our faces off like this, always have always will! So off to try and find food in Tustin at 8pm which was a real treat. Sometimes I just have to laugh at how strange this place is. Everything was closed and it seemed so empty out. Don't people eat out on sundays at 8pm? Luckily we found a thai place which wasn't too bad. I really had the best day ever. Hanging out with Kristin is the biggest treat and we don't get to do it that often since she lives in SF, although I have to say for living the furthest away (besides NY) she has been down to visit quite often so I'm a very lucky girl.

Oh oh the best news ever (I hope I can spill it now) is she is pregnant!!!! 14 weeks! I'm so happy for her and her husband Ryan. They are going to be the best parents in the world. They have already spoiled the crap out of our critter so I can't wait to do the same. So thank you Kristin for the most wonderful day and spoiling me!

Today was pretty relaxing besides my nesting urge. I decided that I wanted to get frames for the house since we don't have much up so we went to Ikea and stocked up. I think I stressed Blake out a bit cause I was on a mission to decorate, apparently this is how I am going to nest. We got most of them on the wall with photos but we still need to buy more paper to print and make some scans which stresses me out cause I have frames sitting on the floor with nothing in them. That does not help the nesting urge but it will get done this week, I will make sure of it. It also gives me a mission for tomorrow which is always good since I don't have too much on my plate.

Still feeling really weird, that's really the only way I can put it. I think today the critter officially dropped cause I felt different. The way she is kicking is also really different. I am feeling a lot of kicks or pokes in my belly button area which doesn't totally make sense since I thought she was head down butt against my back. I know she can turn to the side a bit but isn't she supposed to be flipped a bit more? I have an appt on thursday so I'm sure my midwife will be able to feel and tell me. I still can't really tell the body parts but they sure poke around in there like crazy. I can definitely feel her head sitting really low and making my hips spread a bit. It doesn't hurt at all but feels like the bone is pushing out, super strange. As far as Braxton Hicks go I am still having those quite often but they don't really last long at all now, at least today they didn't. Its more a quick sharp pain. Actually sometimes it will make me jump its so sharp but it goes away pretty quickly. I'm also starting to have a lot of crampy period like pains, really dull and weak. My back is also feeling a little crampy in the same way, just a dull weak pain. Just trying to keep track of everything and see how it progresses. I mean when all this starts happening is there any way to tell how far off you really are?? I'm hanging in there but I have to say this is definitely the most uncomfortable part of pregnancy. I've given up on sleep and I'm ok with it. Better to not fight it and just try and relax especially since I don't have to be anywhere or wake up early so no need to freak out if I can't fall asleep or that I'm awake all morning. Trying to be calm and just take each day at a time.

The other night on the couch

Suburbia

Handsome husband and Chubby Wife.

Me, Blake, and Braxton

Well I can finally say that I've felt true Braxton Hicks. They started today around 11 and haven't stopped. They are super random and not crazy painful. I mean ya they are uncomfortable but I can deal. I was actually a little worried that it was the real deal. I'm pretty sure I am going to say that at least 20 more times till the baby comes cause I can tend to be a bit of a worry wart. It's just hard to know what is real and what is just practice, I mean I have nothing to compare it to. These are just sharp shooting pains in the front that last anywhere from 15 seconds to a minute. There are times they will come every 15 min and other times I won't have one for hours. That's the only reason I'm not totally freaking out.

Blake and I kept pretty busy today which helped to keep my mind off them. We went down to Laguna to check out a gallery but the gallery was closed so we could only do some window peaking. Then we attempted to walk to a coffee shop a friend had told us about. It was a pretty far walk and a lot of up hill. Turns out the coffee shop was closed cause they were on vacation. Seriously some days I shouldn't leave the house. It all worked out, we got lunch at Taco Loco and then some frozen yogurt. We went home for a little while but it was just too hot so we headed down to the beach. Blake surfed for a little bit and I relaxed on the beach. It was so cool and nice down there. Inland is for suckers. Then we went to our favorite Sushi place for dinner. I had a piece of tuna, shhhhhh. It was so damn good. I'm not worried, I trust the place and the small piece I had won't hurt her. As my doula says "happy mom means happy baby."
When I got home I was feeling like shit again so I took a bath. My entire body felt so relaxed and finally pain free. I think birthing in a tub is a really strong possibility now. It's amazing how great it feels to be surrounded by water. You never really realize it till you have the pain. Good to know.

Tomorrow I am having a spa day with Kristin and I cannot wait! I haven't had a massage since I was 15 weeks pregnant so I think I'm due!

I just got an email from my friend Marisa in NY. I guess she was looking through her boyfriends phone and found this picture from a little mini vacation we all went on. Happy NY smile!

Too many french fries

I'm just about ready to lay down for a nap. I ate a big lunch and now I can't keep my eyes open. This is what old people feel like huh? I can't wait to not feel tired anymore, I forget what normal feels like. I mean not to say life with a baby will be normal but at least I won't feel tired all day long cause I'm fat (pregnant whatever)

My crap day yesterday turned around quite nicely when my mother in law came by to say hi and drop off some goodies. She bought me the cutest ponchos from Old Navy. They are adorable and really are going to perfect to hide my tummy after the baby. She also got the baby a cute sweater and thanksgiving outfit. I felt so spoiled! Today she joined me to check out a pediatrician which I think went really well. Its so hard to judge someone from meeting them for 10 min but I felt comfortable and she said all the right things which pleased me. She seems very holistic and is very against antibiotics unless its necessary which I really liked and was one of my big concerns. She wasn't super into the alternate vaccinations but she said she was willing to do that if I wanted. She just didn't believe in skipping any of them all together. Totally agree with that but I do think there are some that can be pushed a bit. Although with everything she said she had a really valid point so I feel like I can trust her which is definitely the most important part. When we were waiting to be seen 2 moms came in at separate times and started talking to me. They both had nothing but nice things to say about her and seemed to really love her. They didn't need to say anything to me at all but they made the effort to tell me how much they like her so that was pretty important. So looks like I found a dr. Worst case if she doesn't work out I can find someone else.

Had a nice lunch with Blake. I can't remember the last time we went out to lunch since he has been working so much. We are going to try and have a nice weekend together and do something special considering it might be our last one just the two of us for a long time. So strange to think about....

BARF

That is how I feel today. I am super nauseous and tired. I had a pretty intense yoga session last night and maybe it was too much. I know I should just lay on the couch and stay there all day but I just can't. I want to be laying on a hammock on a beach getting a foot and head massage. That sounds perfect!
I'm hoping tomorrow I feel better since I have a meeting with a pediatrician and I don't really have time to reschedule. Might be drinking gingerale for breakfast like the first trimester!
Here are a few photos, I'm aware I look like complete and total shit but its all about the belly!