Tuesday, January 4, 2011

blog therapy

Some days are really hard, and today was one of them. I don't know if it was just coming back from vacation or that Olive sensed that I had a billion things to do so she decided to be needy or what it was but it was just a crap day. I've noticed that she was falling into a regular pattern with naps and such so I was going to try and really start more of a schedule today and actually get her to nap in her co sleeper or crib. That plan failed as she wouldn't take a single nap today. Ok I lied she slept for 10 min in her co sleeper after I spent about 20 min getting her to close her eyes. Total nightmare. Worst part is she was flashing me these adorable smiles the whole time as a total fuck you, I'm not sleeping but I'll look super cute. She is usually consistent with her nap schedule even though I've never tried or cared about a strict schedule. Figures the day I want to start something it falls to pieces.

Anyways that just frustrated me because a good 30 min nap will give me time to get some food or just catch my breath for a few min but I never got that. It was also one of those days where she just didn't want to do anything for too long. I tried to put her in the moby just so I could do some laundry and she only lasted a few min before she got all pissy. We've been trying new holds since she is getting too big for the newborn holds so I think its just getting her used to that and isn't super comfortable. She would always pass out in my moby but now that we are using the big girl holds its not as easy.

I think when I don't eat and get my coffee everything seems a thousand times more shitty and one stupid thing after another just adds up. I hate when I come back from vacation and my house is a mess. There were Christmas presents that needed to be put away, stacks of dishes, laundry piling up, and the worst was the dying Christmas tree. I have terrible anxiety for messes and a unorganized house. I also wanted a shower and to get dressed. Then at the worst time Blake sent me a text message that I should take Olive on an outing and just get out. I know he didn't mean anything and was trying to be helpful but today was just not the day I needed to hear that considering taking a pee wasn't even that easy. Since he has never has to experience a whole day with Olive while doing housework without help sometimes I don't think he truly knows what my days are like. Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me that I can't get my shit together some days. I've managed to shower and get dressed for the most part and I know Blake loves me just as much with my ugly pjs and stinky breath but its more me and I just feel worthless when he walks in the door from work and I look like hell. Its weird cause I'm not one to really care about that shit but I do. I know I shouldn't worry about housework and all that other crap and the most important thing is Olive but that's not totally always realistic. Some days its really easy but today wasn't one of those days.

Tomorrow I will start over fresh and hope its a better day.......

No comments:

Post a Comment