Saturday, January 7, 2012

Reality check

Yesterday I kinda got a HUGE dose of reality on our living situation. I probably blog half about Olive and the other half about where I live. Well yesterday really got me thinking and mostly gave me my answer. Since we moved back I've always been looking on craigslist to see what was out there. In the year or so I haven't found one place that is within our price range but I kinda just thought maybe I wasn't looking in the right area or something. It didn't actually set in that that we flat out cannot afford to live where we want. Seems pretty simple right?? Apparently it wasn't cause we kept telling people we were going to move or we were looking but the the plain truth is we will not be moving unless there is a miracle of some sort and money is brought to us by magical unicorns. My friend sent me a listing for a house right next door to them. They live in a shitter part of costa mesa but somewhere I would totally live. I called on the place and it was so out of our price range I wanted to barf. Blake's mom is always looking down at the beach for us which is really sweet as I would move there in a heartbeat but when I heard the prices on places down there I almost lost my mind. That and I don't want to live in a shoebox. Like I've said before if was going to live in a small apartment I would be in Brooklyn. I don't want to fool myself anymore and have all these false hopes. I'm also not being a total negative nancy about it but I want to be honest and realistic with myself. As much as where we live now isn't the perfect house or the perfect area, it does feel like home and I like it or I've grown to become used to it. We have our little places we go and stores we shop at. We've found famers markets and zoos and parks that make us happy.

I've also noticed a little something about the good ol oc. People here think if you don't live near the beach then you live in no mans land (aka santa ana) When people talk to us about where we live they make a face like its so tragic that we live allllll the way out there. People it's 15 min away from the beach. I also want to tell people there is more to life than the beach. I LOVE the beach. I want to spend a ton of time there, it's probably one of my favorite places ever but there are so many beautiful things that aren't at the beach too. We have deserts and mountains and parks and zoos and oh my gosh if you go all the way to LA there is art and even more to do. That is a whole other vent but if you tell someone from OC you are driving to LA they will have a heart attack like you are leaving the country. Ok I know this isn't everyone here but it seems so many people I come across are like this. I'm not saying I'm better or more cultured or anything but I may just be a bit more antsy I guess. I know this is kinda off topic but it's been building in me. I don't want to shelter Olive from anything. I want her to know there is other stuff out there besides the beach and Fashion Island. I want her to experience so much more and I worry. So back to houses we can't live out of my means like half the people do around here and we can't be rich like the other half are and I need to accept that and be happy. I mean I have and this is kinda me saying I accept it and if we are allowed to stay in this house long(ish) term until those unicorns come down with my cash then I want to make this my home. I want to make it pretty. I want to paint. I want to put up photos everywhere. I want to spend time here. I feel so extremely lucky to be living here, to have a roof over my head and a rent we can afford to live a really nice life. I never forget that but sometimes I let the bratty side take over and I want more. I know its good to want and to have goals but I also think being realistic and accepting our situation is important. I get to stay home with Olive every single day and watch her grow and not miss a single moment. That is the best gift in the entire world!

So many beautiful things have happened in this house. Olive took her first steps, ate her first foods, said her first words right here. I mean isn't that home?? Already the last two years in this house have had some of the most incredible memories of my life and I intend to make more........

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