3:11 am

*forgot to post this last night. It's super pointless but a good vent.

Its 3:11 am. My stupid news rob isn't working. Looking at all the blogs I follow is the only way I can stay awake in the middle of the night. Olive is having what is now her typical 3 am behavior. I woke up and fed her and 1:52 and she ate for about 40 min. Then Blake changed her and when he brings her back he says she is doing hungry head. Errr. Last night we made the mistake of trying to get her back to sleep and it ended with her back on the boob. So I put her back on tonight at around 3:50 And She ate for 20 min. So I wonder if she is really hungry or wants to suck? I finally had to pull her off cause She was spitting up. It took a good 45 min to get her down which is not like her. Not liking these Last few night and Just trying to figure it all out. I Just got up to change her and she shit all over me and I went through 4 diapers cause I kept thinking she was done. They say babies either poop like three times A day or after every feeding. Lucky us she goes after every feeding which can be like 10 times a day. Yikes. Not to mention pee diapers. All this crap is so hard and its insane how good some days can be and how awful others are.

This breastfeeding thing has been the biggest challenge. Mostly Its frustrating being uncomfortable and not knowing why. I don't want to hate it but right now I do. Ya I said it breastfeeding sucks! . I feel like if you tell people that they think You hate puppies and bunnies. People that love to breastfeed are the same people that love to be pregnant. Ewww. I'm not trying to be negative about this but its been tough. I really hope that my boobs feel better and I'm able to grasp the whole breastfeeding thing. I like spending the time with olive and like That I provide her comfort and food but I Don't want to be miserable. At the same time the pressure that only you provide her with food is a lot to handle. I totally broke down into hysterical tears when I was feeding her this am. I know that doesn't help my milk flow but when you need a good cry there is really no stopping it. Well the sun should be coming up now.