my little insomniac

Last night was a rough one. After Olives 2:30am feeding she didn't want to sleep at all. Blake was up with her till about 4am then I guess she was quiet for a few min but then I was up with her at around 5 and then we finally got out of bed at 6:30. Nightmare. She kinda napped this morning but not really. I took her out to fashion island and she was ok. I mean she wasn't awful only cause I shoved a pacifier in her mouth the whole time. I sooooo didn't want to be that mom but I was. Oh well she rarely gets the pacifier so I guess it was a treat for her. It was nice to get out but it was a pretty quick trip cause she has been wanting to eat every 2 hours so that doesn't leave me much time to get out of the house. She went 3 hours while we were out which is why she was getting pissy. I didn't feel like feeding her there, still not comfortable with that. Plus an hour at fashion island is enough to make me annoyed and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. The dog in stroller to baby in stroller ratio is about even there. I'm all about my dog but that shit is wacky. Still trying to find my place in the OC.

Once we got home she went on full on meltdown mode. I think her stomach hurt and she was gassy. I don't think she has colic or anything but I think her tummy hurts occasionally cause after some feedings she is super pissed off and other times she is super calm and happy. I've been giving her gripe water when she gets cranky in hopes that will help. She is now sitting in her lamb swing smiling and laughing at the little mobile spinning around so I guess she is better.

In the last 2 weeks I had some friends visit and it was really nice but I'm still in such a weird place mentally. I'm not depressed or emotional like I was when I was pregnant but I just feel out of it like its really hard for me to be around people cause I feel like I have nothing to contribute to the conversation ya know. unless its like "did you see Ellen today, or did you catch the new show on bravo" ya that's about the extent of me right now. I guess I feel like I've always been pretty talkative and full of things to say but I just feel a little blank and boring right now. I know its just getting back into the swing of things but I'm not quite sure how to do that. I keep saying I need to get back into normal life but I guess I really don't know what that is here. I am so thankful that my mom has been coming down to keep me company. It has allowed me to have a bit of relief during the day and get out here and there to run errands. I'm still figuring out my days with Olive and how to get a shower and eat food. Everyday is easier but its still a lot of work but its definitely getting to be more fun since she is awake more of the day and laughs and plays. I want to start taking her on a long walk everyday and exercise cause I have these 10 extra pounds that are not going anywhere and being squishy is just gross. On a happy nipple note I feel pretty good today and not in too much pain!