Saturday, June 4, 2011

I ain't no scientist

The other day I wrote a novel of a post about Olive's sleep. I know boring boring boring but I hope to remember all this for my next child or if anyone else if having similar issues maybe it will just make them feel less alone. Of course most importantly it helps me vent. So the last two nights Olive has woken up at her normal 1am time and we let her thrash around and whine a bit. Two nights ago it took her about 45 min to get back to sleep. Blake went in there, comforted her and all that good stuff but to me 45min is so long and when you are staring at a monitor and not comforting your child it seems like days. It just upset me that I didn't go in there and nurse her cause really that is what she wanted. Then last night same thing, 1 am she was up and again Blake went in there to try and calm her and she was just so upset. She stood up and just cried her little eyes out. I couldn't take it anymore. It was making me so sad. So I fed her and she was happy as can be and fell asleep till 5:45. So while I wasn't sleeping last night I was thinking about this week and how pissed off and grumpy she has been. On friday she literally spent two hours sitting on my lap being the biggest grump and not wanting to do anything. I would play with her, take her out of the house, and do everything and she was just so damn grumpy. So I started thinking why just this week? What is different? The only thing I could find is that I took that feeding away from her. I mean is it possible that sent her in a shit mood all week? Today she was in an incredible mood. Totally back her to her happy goofy self all day. We spent the day with my parents and were super busy running around which caused her to skip a nap and she was totally fine, happy as a clam. So I totally beat myself up all last night thinking I was like the worst mom in the world for letting her cry for a few nights and that I totally fucked my child up. I know I know she will be fine but I just wonder if that is really why she was such a little grumpy gus all week.

Gosh parenting is so hard. I know most people will just tell me to trust my gut and do what I feel but it's hard sometimes to really stick to what you think it right. No joke everyone around me would gasp when I told them Olive woke up 2x a night to feed and they would tell me I need to let her cry so that is what I did. I mean in some cases she does need to fuss a bit but maybe trying to drop these night feedings are a bad idea. I mean clearly she is pissy. So now I'm back to square one trying to figure out if the grump was from not getting boob in the middle of the night. Guess we'll see in a few hours........

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