Halloweenie

On saturday we went out to my parents house to carve pumpkins and torture Olive in her kitty costume.

food in my fridge

I just posted this photo on thisisaphotoblog.com. I may have mentioned the blog before but its a group of photographers and we each get a turn giving assignments and then shooting them. This month was my assignment which was "food." I didn't get a chance to shoot anything I really wanted so I came up with this. I thought it was kinda funny in a kinda gross way.

Grumpy Gus

Longest day of my life, cannot wait for Blake to get home, I need a break. Olive has been the grumpiest gus ever! The first part of the morning all she did was whine so I just let her pass in and out of sleep then by the afternoon she was in full on grump mode. She was making hungry head after I fed her so I finally gave into the pacifier which I hate. I swore she would not get that during the day. Errr hating myself for this one. She wouldn't let me put her down either which was super fun. Somehow as soon as you become a mom you can make a sandwich one handed, do laundry, go pee, etc all while holding a baby. Then to top the day off she shit all over me and across the room while I was changing her diaper. It was actually pretty funny but really gross. So finally I put her in the moby with hopes of her taking a really long nap. Success!

more pillows

I just ordered my pillow but then I found these via ohdeedoh

So much cuteness.

Also just for kicks click on this banner if you wanna vote for me. It just takes a click.

Pillows and Bags

I was on a search for a cute pillow for Olives room and came across so many goodies on this shop.



Then I came across these and thought it would be cute to keep my portable breastpump in. Ya totally aware of how ridiculous buying a bag for my breastpump sounds.


Then of course I started thinking how fun they would be in my diaper bag to organize everything cause right now I have it all in plastic bags which is totally practical but I'd rather add some cuteness in case I ever decide to leave the house and use my diaper bag!

5 weeks

This is her favorite toy right now, a gift from grandma. I guess Fisher Price has a bunch of their classic toys out again. So fun.










She is 5 weeks now and I think she is hitting another growth spurt cause she wants the boob every 2 hours. Actually I think she would just sit on it all day if I let her. Today is a sleepier day for her. I've been trying to keep her up for a little bit after she eats for some "playtime" and I've been pretty successful but she only lasts about an hour then she wants to sleep again so I guess I just have to let her. The last few days she has been really active and awake from when Blake gets home from work till we go to bed so maybe this is a good time for napping? I dunno.....

bubble

I can't decide if I'm being nuts or not? I'm super scared about this whole whopping cough thing I mean like to the point where I Don't want her around people That Don't have the shot. Is That taking it too far? I made her an appt for her shot on the 15th but still it takes 2 weeks for the vaccine to kick in. Can I totally keep her in a bubble till then or am I paranoid? So far I've only allowed a few people around her and that's it. I recently freaked out over an article I read about a kid who came down with It. He was 7 weeks and had never left the house but his parents or brother brought It in. The story broke my heart. I have a tendency to be really neurotic and sometimes Its for a good reason but other times its just too much. I know in the end she is my baby and I Should do what makes me comfortable but am I taking it too far? I know I Can't keep all the sick and bad away from her but the fact that this is something that is killing newborns scares the shit out of me. Ahhhhh what to do.

Smiles

Except I can't seem to capture it, well kinda. I still can't predict when she is going to smile or laugh so I'm never really ready but today when I sang to her she thought it was hysterical so maybe its my shitty singing. The days are getting better but busier as she needs to be entertained more but its fun, much better than watching her sleep all day. Just put some Frank Sinatra on and she passed out.



Ya I know she has mr burns old man hair.

tummy time

We had a major photo session today so hopefully I will get to the photos tomorrow so I can post them but here is one from my cell phone. She loves tummy time.

Sleepy Time

Need coffee!!! It was one of those crappy nights last night. We've had some great nights so hoping this was just a random shitty night. Its so hard to remain calm at 3am and try to calm her when all I want to do is scream and cry. She has been up most of the morning, only took a mini nap so hopefully she will be really tired tonight and only take a few more naps. I don't really know how much she is supposed to sleep during the day and you can only do so much to play with a newborn. I'm still learning. I did read to her today and she smiled a few times. It melts my heart! I think she just likes to hear my voice, she could care less what I'm saying.

I'm still being a bit of a homebody during the week. I'm still not ready to take her to indoor type places. Luckily there is a lot I can do that is outdoors but on days where I don't sleep its hard to motivate myself to get out. Plus getting us both ready is a lot of work and I'm still getting used to it. I wish Blake could understand this, he keeps asking me why I don't do this or that but this is all still really new. I will get it eventually and it will be no problem but it will be on my time when I feel comfortable. She isn't even 5 weeks yet. Most people I talk to with babies say they didn't even get out of their pjs for weeks and weeks. So I'm gonna enjoy this time and do what I need to do.

4 weeks

Olive is 4 weeks old now! People always say enjoy it cause they change every day and they are sure right. She is like a different person now. She is getting really good at tummy time and can hold her head up really high and for pretty long. I'm shocked at how strong she is. She is just more aware of her surroundings and will follow us with her eyes. She is also getting really big. Yesterday she weighed in at 10.4. We're still figuring out the sleeping thing at night. We have good days and bad days. Last night was amazing. She woke up to eat and went right back to sleep with not one bit of crying. It was perfect. I felt really rested today for the first time in a month. The few days before that were brutal. I was up for hours with her, she was totally awake staring at the ceiling. She usually doesn't scream and cry but she whimpers and its awful. I can't figure out of its something in my milk that pisses her off or some nights she just isn't tired.

Yesterday my mom and I met with a new pediatrician. She has been down for the week helping us out. I honestly would of never made it through this week without her. I let her go home for a few days but she better rest up cause its so nice to have her around and I want her back! Anyways I just haven't been happy with our current pediatrician. The current one wouldn't give Olive the medicine the lactation consultant recommended. Totally fine (she had a good medical reason) but it was the way she talked to me that rubbed me the wrong way. That and last week she never called me back which pissed me off. Anyways this new dr is amazing! She has a pretty awesome blog. Her whole approach is exactly what I've been looking for. She was super open about working with me on vaccinations and helping me decide what is best for Olive and was really open to what I had to say. She recommended some amazing natural remedies to try on Olive. She even called tonight to check on her to make sure she was feeling better. Oh and she does house calls. So cool. I should probably go back to work to help pay for this. Nothing this good comes cheap so I'm a little worried but I really want Olive to have the best care ever.

Not much to say so I will just post a bunch of photos.

First bath


Cuddle time with Sierra





Pumpkin Patch



First bottle (pumping is the strangest thing ever)



Grandma and Olive

thrush 2 jenn and olive 0

Errr the thrush has got us good. I finally got a lactation consultant to come out today and it was the best thing. I ended up calling Milkalicios and the most wonderful women came out today. I made the appt online which made it very easy. I didn't have to sit on the phone and answer a million questions. The whole site is really cute and I imagine the store is adorable but I haven't been there yet. They offer some really cool classes that I'm hoping to take after she is a little older and I can take her out (ya I'm still crazy paranoid about germs) She took a look at Olives mouth and said she had the thrush pretty good so she recommended a treatment course that she sends to mine and Olives dr. How easy it that. Now lets just hope it works cause I seriously can't handle another day of this. And poor Olive has to be in pain. The stupid meds the dr gave her are not working at all. Its been a week and nothing. So waiting to call the drs and get on this. During her visit she also looked at my latch and we're doing it right. I just didn't want the pain to be coming from a latch problem but I think its all thrush on this one. Overall the visit was great and I really feel more confident and ready to kick this thrush in the ass.

yay sleep

Guess who got a really good nights sleep?? MEEEEEEEE! I hope this is a pattern we can continue. Last night was probably the best night so far. We only had to bust out one of the S's to get her down. I fed her 2 times last night and each time after I put the swaddle on her she was out! She even slept a 4 hour stretch last night. I mean I probably only got like 4-5 hours (maybe) total sleep but I will take it. I've been eating super bland dinners and I'm wondering if that is helping? During the day she doesn't seem to be affected by food but at night I'm thinking she gets a little sensitive. I dunno as long as she sleeps I'll eat anything that helps. I just want to get done with the meds and get over all this eye and thrush crap. She seems good so I'm thinking the thrush isn't causing her any pain since she eats like a champ. As for me I'm still in terrible pain, it seems to be worse today which I'm not sure why but I see my midwife on monday so hopefully she can give me something to help. She wanted me to use Olives meds on the boobs so I'm doing that but the stuff is like putting maple syrup on and it dries kinda like super glue so if fabric touches it then it tears my nipple off. Lovely huh? So I can't wear breast pads or even free ball it with a shirt on, wayyyy too painful. But its freezing out so my mom had the genius idea of cutting holes for my boobs in a shirt. I wish I could post a photo cause its hysterical but at least I'm warm! Well, that is the boob update for the day.
Oh and when Olive went to the dr friday she weighed in at 9 pounds, 4 ounces. My little chunker gained a pound in a week.

Wild friday

I love how I thought friday was going to be a nice mellow day at home. I woke up and looked over at Olive and her eye was covered in green puss. Ya awesome way to wake up. Of course I freaked out and thought the world was going to end. Just not the right way to start the morning. Besides her eye I was feeling like hell and was planning on calling my dr. I've thought that I had thrush for about a week now but kept putting it off. So most of the day was spent waiting for dr's to call back. I managed to escape for a pedicure since my mom is down. I think she needed to get rid of me for a bit so I would stop standing over Olive and freaking out.

So finally Olives dr called back and said they could see her so we raced over there. Our normal dr wasn't there so we got the other who shares the office which I liked a million times more than my regular dr. Is it really shitty to start seeing the other dr? Like is there some moral code to that? Anyways she said that she had a blocked eye duct that was infected and prescribed her some drops. I had her check her for thrush and she said it was hard to tell cause her tongue wasn't super coated but when I told her it had been over 2.5 hours since I fed her (I guess her tongue was coated too much for going that long) she said it was most likely thrush so another prescription. She also has a diaper rash that won't quit but she didn't seem too alarmed by that. My poor little girl. So I'm hoping to see my dr and get treated as well. I'm self medicating thanks to the good ol internets. I guess I can use Lotrimin in the meantime till I get some cream. So basically I'm rubbing jock itch cream on my boobs. So in between feedings I'm rinsing my boobs with water and vinegar and applying jock itch cream. So sexy!

I can't believe how tired I am. Barely got any sleep last night and today really took a toll on me and my body is feeling it. I went to the pharmacy to fill the prescription and since I had never been I had to give the guy my address to enter in the computer. No joke I stared at him for like 5 min and told him I couldn't remember. I lied and said I just moved there. For the life of me I couldn't remember my address. It was like that part of my brain just shut off. Who does that? So when I went to pick it up I explained to the pharmacist I had a newborn. He laughed and told me he had a one year old and can totally relate. I still felt dumb. I mean really, who forgets their address.

Little Olive is doing fine. Her eye doesn't seem to bother her and she was really good when we put the drops in. The mouth stuff is pretty nasty but again she is really good. I don't think she is in any pain or is bothered by the thrush. I just hope this stuff works and we get this under control. I am so ready to breastfeed and not be in pain.

This is what my wild friday looks like.

3:11 am

*forgot to post this last night. It's super pointless but a good vent.

Its 3:11 am. My stupid news rob isn't working. Looking at all the blogs I follow is the only way I can stay awake in the middle of the night. Olive is having what is now her typical 3 am behavior. I woke up and fed her and 1:52 and she ate for about 40 min. Then Blake changed her and when he brings her back he says she is doing hungry head. Errr. Last night we made the mistake of trying to get her back to sleep and it ended with her back on the boob. So I put her back on tonight at around 3:50 And She ate for 20 min. So I wonder if she is really hungry or wants to suck? I finally had to pull her off cause She was spitting up. It took a good 45 min to get her down which is not like her. Not liking these Last few night and Just trying to figure it all out. I Just got up to change her and she shit all over me and I went through 4 diapers cause I kept thinking she was done. They say babies either poop like three times A day or after every feeding. Lucky us she goes after every feeding which can be like 10 times a day. Yikes. Not to mention pee diapers. All this crap is so hard and its insane how good some days can be and how awful others are.

This breastfeeding thing has been the biggest challenge. Mostly Its frustrating being uncomfortable and not knowing why. I don't want to hate it but right now I do. Ya I said it breastfeeding sucks! . I feel like if you tell people that they think You hate puppies and bunnies. People that love to breastfeed are the same people that love to be pregnant. Ewww. I'm not trying to be negative about this but its been tough. I really hope that my boobs feel better and I'm able to grasp the whole breastfeeding thing. I like spending the time with olive and like That I provide her comfort and food but I Don't want to be miserable. At the same time the pressure that only you provide her with food is a lot to handle. I totally broke down into hysterical tears when I was feeding her this am. I know that doesn't help my milk flow but when you need a good cry there is really no stopping it. Well the sun should be coming up now.

3 weeks

Its 11am and there has been no meltdowns! We got up at 8 so it hasn't been that long but usually after a feeding she gets pissy but she has been so good. I don't want to jinx it but its so much better than the last 2 weeks which were HELL! Of course she has her moments like last night at 2am she just wanted to eat and eat and not sleep but if that is the worst then I can handle it. Today it seems like she is more alert and really looking at me. Usually I just feel like she sees me as a huge boob (which I am) but today she has been really looking at me. Its so damn cute. She also lets me hold her over my shoulder which she never did before. It also seems like when I hold her now it soothes her. She is becoming a little human!

I've also found that if I put music on and sing she loves it. Even when there is no music I just sing anything and she seems to like it. Poor thing. Today our soundtrack is Pete Yorn and Neutral Milk Hotel. Ya super random. I haven't listened to Pete Yorn in years. Reminds me of being in art school. My friend Tamar and I were obsessed with him. Silly kids. I always thought that was the hardest time in my life (art school). I mean looking back it was super super crazy intense but being a mom takes the cake on this one.

My favorite Neutral Milk Hotel song. Another band that takes me back to being young and stupid. I "dated" this guy and he introduced me to this band. He was the biggest weirdo ever but super good looking and covered in tattoos (which I think is why I liked him) Ah to be superficial and young, miss those days. Anyways love this band.



So now its 10pm and I'm finally getting around to posting this blog entry. My mom came down again and I was able to run around and do some errands. I'm still not pumping so I was only able to be gone for 2 hours at a time. So I would come home, feed her and run back out. Tomorrow will be another errand day and hoping to find time for a pedicure or foot massage. I've never actually had a foot massage but it sounds so amazing.

Hoping for a good nights sleep and that my lovely husband makes me me a cappuccino in the am before work!

back fat

I did something really dumb today...I tried on my skinny jeans. I don't even know why but they were hanging there just staring at me. I think I got them to my knees. Ew gross. I have a ways to go till I fit into anything denim. I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy, total chunker but it is what it is and I felt good and had a great delivery so I guess it was right for me.

In less than 2 weeks I lost 20 pounds but I feel like I've kinda stopped losing weight. I know it will get better when I can exercise a bit but its hard because I really really want to put some cute clothes on. I also have back fat which is a new thing for me. No idea where is came from or why I had to get fat there but its gross. The body is a funny thing but lets just hope I can get my jeans on in 2 months, yep that is my goal. Either that or I'm going shopping for a new wardrobe.

photos

Blake made a big post of photos here.

Swaddle

I've talked about this before but I can't explain how much I love the swaddle. I still never really figured it out with a regular blanket. I mean I can do it but I usually just piss her off. My mom got us these cheating swaddle blankets and they are amazing. I also like that they are lightweight cause Olive is quite the sweaty baby.



She got into meltdown mode after her feeding and was just not happy with anything. I bounced on the ball, put her in the rocker, put her on the floor, and nothing. So I got the swaddle and before I could velcro the last side she was out. She just wanted to be swaddled. She has been sleeping for half an hour now! I even got to eat some lunch and checked my email. I think she was just sleepy and wanted to feel like she was in the womb.

baby bjorn

Loving the baby bjorn bouncer. My mom actually ordered it to take to her house but I think she is going to have to fight me for it cause Olive loves it. Its kinda the same motion as bouncing on the ball. I love it cause I can sit at my computer and rock her and type. A few min of distraction and quiet baby is good!

hungry head

I'm sure this is a normal newborn thing but when trying to feed Olive she gets into full on crazy mode (we call it hungry head) she thrashes around like a shark (like I've starved her) and then its like a game to try and shove my boob in her mouth when its opened wide enough. I think at 3am the other night Blake and I decided it was like that funny game we had as kids where you have fishing poles and have to get it in the fishes mouth before they close.



I have a billion photos on my camera that I need to put on the computer but here are a few randoms. Off to feed and then to try and get a few hours of sleep in.

Happy Hour

Sitting outside in my backyard at my absolute favorite time of the day. Happy hour time except no drink for me. Although I could really go for a Hef right now. Yummmm Olive is sitting in her little yellow rocker enjoying the sun. She keeps smiling and dozing in and out.



My friend Tamar came for a visit which was wonderful. Olive loved her. (I stole this photo from her Twitter since it will be days till I get to my photos)



Still no luck on a lactation consultant. I spoke to another one today but she won't come to Santa Ana. I guess people don't like money, geez. She gave me some really great tips about trying to get her to latch on properly and I've fed her twice since I talked to her and it seemed to be better. Still need to work on it. She also said it could be thrush which I keep thinking about. She told me to put baking soda and water on them. I also read olive oil will cut the yeast. I'll try anything but we'll give it a few days.

So looking forward to sunday when Blake will be home and we can make pancakes and have a relaxing morning with Olive. Maybe he will even let me sleep in!

i hate 3am

Rough night but it was kinda my fault. I had a coffee drink yesterday around 2 and I think it made her really irratated by the time we went to bed at 10. Although That seems like a realty long time but I can't pinpoint anything else I ate That would of pissed her off. Either way getting her to sleep sucked. We actually tried a pacifier For the first time. I felt so sad like she was losing her virginity or something. I know that's pretty dramatic but it makes me feel weak cause it was kinda the last resort. Oh well it kinda worked. After trying a bunch of times to put her down combined with the pacifier She just kept waking up and crying So I fed her. When I removed the swaddle I realized the was super hot and sweaty which I'm sure wasn't helping. So after a good feeding and a naked swaddle she was out with the help of the pacifier which she spit out after a few minutes. The rest of the night was fine but when She woke up for her next feeding she had a leaking diaper. Not a big deal but I had to change it before the feeding knowing she was Just gonna poop after a few more min. At 3 am This sucks alot. I had to wake Blake to swaddle cause she was fussing and after I tried a few tines I could not get her swaddled. I felt tired tears happening. Blake is assisting today and yesterday so He wanted to get some sleep and not be up changing diapers. Minus having to be swaddled twice he Got to sleep all night. So jealous. I feel like at one point in the night I woke up (opened my eyes) and was sitting up looking into the Co sleeper. It was so strange. I don't remember how I got There or why I was doing that. Lack of sleep is a funny thing.

Time to get up and face the day. My mom is leaving, Blake is going to work and a friend is popping by for a visit. Gonna try espresso again and hope it doesn't piss her off if its early enough.

Friday

*never got around to posting this yesterday, too many mommy duties.

I have 10 min before I need to feed the critter so I figured I would write a little post. Olive had her 2 week check up today. She is now weighing in at 8 pounds and 5 ounces and 20.5 inches long. Such a little chunker but it makes me happy cause I know she is eating enough. I was a total nervous parent and asked the dr about a zillion questions but she seems to be doing great.

I'm still battling with breastfeeding. Its a hell if a lot harder than I thought it would be. She is doing great with it but my nipples feel like they are going to fall off, well at least the right one. I'm worried she isn't latching on correctly although I've been super careful to watch. I dunno I hope its not an infection. I'm going to meet with a lactation consultant to make sure we're doing good considering I'd love to breastfeed for a really long time but at this rate its just not enjoyable. I got some really good advice from my friend who is really knowledgeable about breastfeeding. She gave me some good tips and suggested taking acidophilus pills to avoid getting thrush. So I got some toady and hoping that will be good, can't hurt I guess. Everyone also says to make sure you go braless as much as possible which is easy since I'm at home all day but what about the leaking? I mean after about an hour or two I start leaking. Does that ever stop or is it always like that if you're breastfeeding? I can't imagine when I start pumping and go more than 3 hours. I'm gonna look like I have porn star boobs and totally be a leaking mess. So weird. Anyways I've emailed 2 lactation consultants so far and one has moved up north and the other is on vacation till the 17th so I'm on to my third try. Really hoping I can see someone asap. Sore nipples are awful!

So last night Blake and I went on our first night out alone. We were both total zombies. We walked into the sushi place and I seriously felt like I was in a scene out of twilight zone. I was just zoned out staring at everyone. It was kinda loud in there and people were animated and full of energy and it just seemed so surreal to me. It was nice to have sushi, I didn't go too wild since I know whatever I eat she will eat too but a little albacore and tuna can't hurt. After dinner we got some ice cream and headed home. It was nice to get out but I think we're just too tired for a date. My mom has been here for the week helping me out and its been amazing. I honestly can't imagine doing it without her help. I think for the first few weeks I am going to have her come out for a few days at a time. I still feel like I don't have time to do much but just having someone on top of laundry, and making sure I eat, drink water, and get a shower is amazing. I know its all little things but I'm still trying to figure out how to do it all. Trust me skipping meals are really easy. I think we're finally getting into more of a routine and I know it will get easier but it will take some time.

I read a ton of blogs and this is one of my favorites. She has a baby that is a week older than Olive and I think her husband is a photographer so its pretty funny. Her posts have been very parallel to mine in terms of dealing with a newborn. Its always nice to know that other people are going through the same shit. Not that I want others to suffer but just to know our baby is normal. Anyways the last paragraph of the blog is exactly how I've been feeling and its pretty funny.

The following video is super random. I got in my car today (alone) and put this band on. Not totally sure why but it just sounded good. Not sure if Olive will appreciate hardcore yet (although in the womb she went to all hardcore and metal shows) but we'll wait a bit. I can't wait to have a night to go see bands play. Its the one thing that will always make me sane but I don't think I'm ready to stay up past 10 pm yet. A good hardcore show with some silly singalongs and sweaty boys is in my future.

I love coffee

I'm back on coffee and I couldn't be happier, I feel like a new person and best of all I don't find that it does anything to Olive!

I can't believe it's almost been 2 weeks. I can't tell if it went by really fast or really slow. I mostly feel like a zombie although last night was a really good night. She slept for 4 hours before a feeding and then went another 3 till her next feeding so I feel lucky. I am still tired since I'm not really fully sleeping but I guess it could be worse. We've figured out a system that has been working for us. It starts with a nice tight swaddle, then a swing (part of the 5 s's) then we put her down and blast that white noise. It has worked every night so far. She occasionally makes a few whimpers but then I just reach over and move the co sleeper and it seems to put her right back to sleep. I so hope this continues. She is a total grump in the evening and just wants to be on the boob all night. I read this is normal and its usually a crappy time for babies. We're still not doing a pacifier but I think after this week is over we might try and introduce it.

I've been meaning to make a list of things that I like or have worked for me but I still think I'm trying to figure it out. My cousin is pregnant and she told me that I have to start keeping record of these things. I know how helpful it was when I was pregnant that my friends sent me lists of things that they used or just loved. Of course every baby is different but its a good starting point.

First off the whole after care thing. Someone had suggested this spray to me and I am so glad they did because it's amazing. Its a bit pricey but seriously worth it.


We have every kinda jumper, bouncer, and rocker and we still haven't really figured out what she likes yet but the one thing I can't live without is this. I drag it all over the house so I can cook, take a shower, etc. I guess any rocker, bouncer would work but this one is really light and its portable.



Another super random thing are disposable changing pads. A friend had recommended them and I thought it was just so wasteful but after you change a few diapers and have explosions, pees, and spit ups and have to keep washing changing pads it gets old. I won't use them forever, just till I get the hang of things and she isn't crapping like 10 times a days.



Also blankets, swaddles, and burp rags. You cannot have enough of these. I was totally overwhelmed with the amount people bought me but honestly there is never enough. Have I mentioned how much laundry a baby makes? So far we have only found one type of blanket that works for a swaddle and its the Carter's blankets (that come in a 4 pack). When I say we I mean Blake, I haven't quite perfected the swaddle but we've tried everything and so far the Carters are the best.

I mentioned this in another post but my birth ball (aka exercise ball) is magic. Any meltdown is cured as soon as we bounce on this. No idea but I don't care cause it works. Plus I'm totally going to need it to tone up my flabby abs.



This is just the start of my list. I will add on as I go. Cuzzy this is for you!

Photos

A few photos from Sunday.

Mom and Dad


Brother


Dad


Flapper


Kat and Nick (Kat is 10 weeks pregnant, wohooo!)


The Family

Rainy Monday

Yesterday my family came down for a visit along with my friends Kat and Nick. It was nice to have everyone visit and play with Olive. I'm finally starting to feel human again so I'm able to have short visits. Its just hard cause with the feedings and I'm not quite comfortable feeding in front of people yet. Not shy but I haven't quite mastered how to feed and not have my boobs flop all over the place. In time I will get it down but not quite yet.

Today Blake is back at work and my house is empty. Its been kinda strange, not totally sure what to do with myself or with Olive. We spent the morning walking around the house, when she is awake she loves to look around, hates when I sit. Then I put on some music and sang to her. Poor thing, I have a terrible voice but she seems to really like it. I guess she spends most of the day eating. As soon as I'm done I feel like its time to feed again. Also I have no idea how much she is supposed to sleep, I don't want her to sleep too much so it screws up nighttime but I feel like she is so new and must need to sleep a lot of the day right? She has been pretty good, she had a few minor meltdowns but it never lasts more than a few min. I've found that if I sit on my birth ball and just bounce a little she immediately calms down. I wonder if its because during the last few months when I was pregnant I sat on that thing all the time. I tried to put her in the Moby and that didn't work out so well. Still need someone to help me get her in that thing although putting it on is actually really easy. We practiced swaddling. I always make Blake do it in the middle of the night so I figure I should get it down too. She totally responds to that so its a good tool to have. I just put her in the lamb swing and she seems to really like that. Its time for her to eat but she is sleeping so I'm wondering if I can hold off for another 30 min before she gets too pissy. She just seems so happy swinging in that thing.

My brother in law Evan stopped by to bring me some lunch and visit the little critter but the rest of the day I think were just going to be really mellow. I have a bunch of crappy Bravo tv shows on my tivo and its raining so maybe I should just snuggle up and be lazy! I feel so guilty turning on the tv with her, like I should only have music on. Silly I know since I doubt she cares.

My Birth Story

I was hoping to write this sooner so I didn't forget any details so I'm gonna try and do my best. I'm going to make this as detailed as possible so if you don't wanna hear about my vagina, poop, pee, or anything else gross don't read any further. I'm a terrible story teller so it will be all over the place but I'm gonna do my best. This is mostly for me to remember years down the road and share if anyone is interested in how I used my hypnobabies. So here we go.....

Wednesday was a totally normal night, I actually felt really good considering my midwife had told me I needed to really take it easy. My mom was here spending the night because she had taken me to appt that day. We all went out to dinner and came home to watch tv. I don't remember feeling any different until I got into bed. I think it was probably around 11:30pm that I started to feel what I thought were birthing waves. It was a feeling that I had never felt. Nothing like Braxton Hicks or period cramps. It was different. I assumed it was all in my head because my midwife had told me she felt a birthing wave when I was in her office. Obviously I couldn't sleep and I think at that point I started timing them just to see if I was going nuts. They were all over the place and pretty spaced out. I remember they started at about 30 plus min apart maybe more, its hard to remember. Blake told me to try and go back to sleep and that wasn't going to happen. I got up to go to the bathroom and found that I had lost my plug. Of course I went online and got out all my books to confirm that it was indeed my plug. Of course that meant nothing since they say that can happen weeks or days before you go into your birthing time. So again no confirmation that I was actually going to have a baby. So back to bed and kept timing the waves. Finally maybe around 2am I got up and sat on the couch. My mom was there and all I can remember is watching Top Chef. At this point I was still timing my waves and they seemed to be getting closer together, maybe 15 to 20 min. At this point every single time I would have a birthing wave I would have to go to the bathroom to poop. No joke I went about 20 times. I have no idea how that is even possible but it happened. Then as it got earlier in the morning I started to get nauseous. I'm not sure what time it was but I threw up which looking back was good cause it made that gross feeling go away. At this point I was also peeing myself every time I would have a birthing wave. I got smart and put a pad on but there was no way to control my bladder. I wish I had been better at doing my Kegal exercises. Not sure if that would of helped. I also kept thinking it was my water breaking but it wasn't (that comes later)

I remember the sun coming up and really being in my zone. I kept waiting for my waves to have some sort of pattern and get to 5-1-1 (birthing wave for 1 min, 5 min apart, for an hour) but I never got there. My waves were all over the place and some would last 20 min, others were 3 min, and some would just merge into each other. I wasn't getting a break and it was quite frusterating. I remember the later it got the more intense they would become. At some point Blake called my doula and I think she came over around 10am ish. This part was a total blur. I remember hearing my mother in law come in but I couldn't quite process it. When my doula arrived I was curled up on the couch. I remember her coming up behind me and talking. It was so comforting to hear her voice. I think we only sat there for a few min. I'm pretty sure at this point I was actually making loud groaning noises and really breathing through the waves. I heard her say something to Blake about it being time to go to the birthing center. Getting up was so hard. I had to grab on to Blake a few times. I remember telling my mom to grab things here and there but it was like I was on drugs. The car ride there seemed to last forever. I never pictured driving to the birthing center in the morning so that was a little surreal. Once we got there I just remember sitting on a birth ball and holding on to the bed while my doula filled up the tub. At this point I realized my midwife and her assistants were not there. Everyone kept telling me they were on their way (my midwife was teaching a class in Fullerton)
I want to say I sat on the birth ball for about 20 min then got into the bath tub. That was really relaxing. It was nice and dark and I finally felt really comfortable (besides having super intense birthing waves) I felt my body drop down and I was feeling like I had to push. Only problem no midwife. This was the first time I got scared. Unless you've been in this position you can't describe the feeling of having to push. I had no idea what to expect and I wanted that extra comfort of my midwife there. Finally after what seemed like forever she walked in and said she was going to change. I don't really remember what happened then but I know when she walked in she asked me to get out of the tub so she could check me. I don't know if I told her no way or gave her a look because she then reached in and checked me in the tub and without hesitating she said ok start pushing. Guess I was ready to go! Now the thing about pushing is you can't really practice it, I mean you can and we did in class but its just something that your body totally does but also takes a little while to get a rhythm going. It was actually quite complicated since I had to hold back my legs (although I think at some point the moms helped me on this one) The pushing is probably the hardest thing about birth. Again something you can't really describe unless you've been there. I wouldn't so much as call it pain as it is pressure but its one of the craziest feelings ever. I think during this point my water broke, no idea how far into pushing but I remember feeling the water move in the bathtub and it was like a mini explosion, and then I heard one of the nurses say something about my water breaking. You really are in a zone at this point and to be honest I can't imagine being on any drugs since your body pretty much provides everything for you. I felt so focused on pushing that I don't really remember much going on around me except for a washcloth on my head and drinking water in between waves. Anyways I guess I only pushed for about 30 min but it seemed like much longer. There was a point where her head was sticking out and my midwife told me to reach down and touch my baby. I wouldn't at first cause I was totally freaked out but then as she got further along I did reach down. Again a feeling I will never ever forget. A slimy little head hanging half way out of me, if that isn't crazy I have no idea what is. I knew she was getting close cause I think my midwife was asking if me or Blake wanted to grab her. At this point I didn't want to, I just wanted her out and in my arms. The last push was amazing and there she was, put right on my chest with her eyes wide open. My midwife suctioned her mouth and she made a few noises but never cried just sat there and looked at us. She was perfect. My first words were "is she a girl, quick someone check her." She just sat up on my chest while they let the umbilical cord pump out the last of the goods and then Blake got to cut the cord. Then they got me out of the bath and put her skin to skin with Blake while I got all cleaned up. I did end up tearing in two places but they were super small. I am going to give credit to the perinal massages and also while I was pushing my midwife did massage the area which I think helped a a lot. After I got stitched I sat on the bed and immediately started breastfeeding. Olive was a pro. We stayed there for 3 more hours or so while family came in and out and then we went home.

I think there were a lot of people that were skeptical, curious, and excited about hypnobaies and how it would be part of the birth. I didn't really talk about it during my story, I figured I would explain it after. Anyways during each birthing wave Blake was right there with me giving me all the cues to get me to calm down and really just focus on my breathing and sending anesthesia to my belly. I would immediately focus on his voice and really get into my zone. He was able to breathe with me and help the waves go by much faster. Ya they hurt, I didn't have a painless birth in anyway but it was absolutely everything I wanted. I think the most important part of hypnobabies was the fact I was never scared and I knew just what to expect. (Ok except when my midwife wasn't there but that was temporary) but I truly knew that Blake, my doula, and the moms were right there supporting me so I felt safe and secure. Everything out of everyone's mouth was only good, there were no words of fear, it was all encouraging me and making me feel like everything was going great and I was doing amazing.

During the last few weeks before the birth I was listening to 1-2 of my cd's per day and really really getting focused. I'm not a relaxed person, I'm super high strung and this was the only time (when I listened to my cd's) that I was able to relax and let go and totally be at peace. So when I applied all these cues to my birth I believe this is why I was able to have the type of birth I wanted. I also think that having Blake be 100% supportive of my plan and practice with me every night was helpful. I also had my mother in law and mom who where in on the plan and knew just how I wanted things to be so they were able to know what to say and do for me. I could go on and on but at this point I'm just rambling. I'm a terrible writer so I hope I was able to get it all out there.
I feel so lucky that I had the birth I wanted and was able to share it with so many people that supported me! Most important I got the most beautiful baby out of all of this and I feel she was born into this world in the most peaceful way possible.

I will never give birth without a doula or hypnobabies, I feel it was most supportive and beautiful way to give birth.

This is Blake's version which is probably a lot easier to read.
http://www.thedadness.com/?p=46

Also some photos I stole from Blake.

Not sure what time this was but I was getting ready...



I didn't want photos of this stuff at first but there are actually some beautiful shots. Of course if Olive finds them as a teenager I'm sure she will be horrified but I think they are pretty amazing. These are the internet friendly ones...

Sleepy Saturday

Finally sitting down for 30 min to write here. Olive is in her lamb swing and Blake is in the shower so I have about 30 min till the next feeding to type. Olive is doing great, still trying to figure out the whole eating thing. I've been feeding her every 2.5-3 hours but I think I might try every 2 hours and see if that helps her need to want to suck right after a feeding. I feel like she is getting enough at each feeding but after she is done she keeps rooting. I know I know I should give her a pacifier but we're gonna wait a bit cause she can still be soothed with other things. Still trying to learn but I think overall she is a pretty good baby. Evenings are a little rough and she gets fussy but I read that its pretty normal.

We have been obsessed with "The happiest Baby on the Block" book. The author is a genius. So far it has worked for us during bedtime. We swaddle, swing, and shhhhhh and it works! I think him and Ceaser Milan (Dog Whisper) are my heroes. Anyways I recommend this book and dvd to all parents. We watched the dvd before Olive was born and it didn't quite make sense. You have to experience a meltdown to really appreciate it and understand. So now we're both reading the book and hoping we can use all the techniques and make them work for us.

Still adjusting to being a mom. I have so much respect for mom's that go back to work. I cannot imagine doing that right now. I mean its constant baby this baby that. I've been able to get stuff done and shower because Blake is home but he goes back to work next week and I think its going to be very interesting. Today I am going to perfect my Moby wrap so I can carry her around the house and do stuff.

Time to write out my birth story before I forget any details......

Oh and more photos. If I repeat myself or photos I apologize, a little sleepy....






When I was pregnant and we were still deciding between the names Milo and Olive Blake bought both domain names. So if you wanna see more Olive photos check it out.
http://www.olivesinclair.com/