I really should be in bed since the whole house is asleep but I'm having a weird night. I've been in a funk all night and I don't quite know why. You know those sad moods you get in but you can't explain? I had this really shitty dream last night and it kinda set my mood for the day and I've just felt off. It was one of those real vivid dreams that bummed me out. I won't get into the dream but it was really dark and pretty messed up and at the end Steven Tyler said he was going to take Olive away from me cause I was a shitty mom. I remember it so clearly and I was just so so sad in my dream and I remember grabbing her and not wanting to let go. I know the Steven Tyler part is kinda funny and super random but the dream was bad.
I'm upset with myself that I haven't been going to kickboxing at all. I've tried a bunch of times but the reality is its just too much work at night. When Blake gets home from work he takes Olive and I cook dinner. From then on its feeding her, giving her a bath, trying to eat our dinner, feeding her again, then putting her to bed. I know I just need to choose a day or two and do it and let Blake handle the nighttime things. I deserve a break but sometimes its just hard to get away. I know other moms can relate. Sometimes its just easier to not go and deal with what you need to do. But I am promising myself that I am going to make a day and go no matter what, cause I will be so much happier if I do.
I miss Blake even though I see him everyday we don't really get to talk or spend that much time together. Just little conversations between doing the above nighttime things. Once Olive is in bed we're tired and although we've tried to make an effort to hang out we haven't been that successful. The weekends are my favorite time since I know we will all be able to hang but the last few weekends have been nuts so I'm hoping this weekend we can have some of our family time.
Now that I've bitched a little I feel much better. So tomorrow will be a better day!
Here and some photos from the weekend.