naps are boring

I'm trying to keep my eyes open but I don't think I am going to see 10pm. It was a pretty long night last night. The one arm out of the swaddle worked out ok and she was able to get a few hours of sleep at a time but she definitely woke up way more then she usually does. It was hard to be patient but we did it and I'm really hoping that it won't take that long to get her comfortable with her arms out.

Naps today were a whole other story. She was starting to get pretty predictable with her naps but now its just all over the place and she refuses to go down. For the last few weeks I was accepting of the hour naps and even the 45 min ones even though I didn't feel it was enough but the last few days I am lucky if she sleeps for 30 min. Putting her down is next to impossible. She fights it the entire time but I can usually rock her to sleep eventually but as soon as she hits the crib she wakes up and screams and I have to start all over again. Today was one of the worst mostly because I was running on zero sleep and my patience was non existent. I put her down and she actually stayed so I jumped in the shower real quick and as soon as I got out I could hear her crying so I quickly picked her up and tried again and again and again to get her down. Same thing, as soon as she would touch down on the crib she was pissed. I've talked about crying it out and how I just don't think its for me but at this point I had to walk away. I was in tears from being so tired and just over it. I was soaking wet from my shower and just frustrated. So I went in my room and put the hairdryer on. I felt awful but I knew walking away was best. I know it sounds so dramatic but when you've had no sleep and have spent an hour trying to get your child to sleep its like the end of the world. Anyways my hair takes 5 min so when I was done it was silent so I thought she was asleep but of course that wasn't the case. She screamed some more so I went back in and tried again with no success. It had been a little over an hour and I was done. I took her out of the swaddle and we sat on the floor and played. She had the biggest smile on her face, didn't care that she just tortured me for an hour. The rest of the day she was all smiles. I swear she is the happiest baby as long as she is being entertained or you are looking at her. Such a girl! So for her second nap my mom was here and was able to get her down for about 30-40 min which was great. The last nap she slept for about 15 min but she fell asleep in the cutest position ever, holding her foot. I know being a mom just takes patience and it will constantly change but selfishly the naps are the time I can shower or pee or get some laundry done so I need that time to feel sane and get shit done. Forgot about trying to email photo editors and try to get shooting jobs (which I really need to be doing) right now its not an option but I wish I could just relax and take a breath and be a momma without worrying about trying to get back to work. So um ya credit card collector people, please leave me alone till I get my shit together.

*Tonight my mom told me that as a baby I NEVER slept. Great.......

Ok no more bitching and moaning. On a happy note my mom is here to watch Olive while I bake up a storm tomorrow for our friends, Ashley and Steves engagement party on Saturday. They are in town and will be here tomorrow to visit Olive and grab some dinner then the big party is on Saturday. Tamar and I have been having a good ol time getting ideas together so I'm hoping all goes as planned and its a great party. This will be the first time I will be away from Olive the entire day. I'm excited for some adult friend time!